A black man walks into a store and grabs something off of a shelf. He walks briskly towards the door and pauses, looking sneakily left and right to make sure nobody else is around. He also looks and sees that the security camera is not facing him. Seeing as nobody is watching him, he quickly turns towards the counter beside the door and pays for the item with his own debit card, knowing that nobody can see him enter his PIN.

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If Vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Probably both plant life, sea-based creatures, and land-based animals. However, depending on the personal preference of the person, they can also be a vegetarian or not. They could also be cannibals, but the literal definition of humanitarian would go against any cannibalistic traditions due to the fact that humanitarians help others for the benefit of humanity as a whole, eating people would go against such beliefs.

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Why didn't the Mammoth go to school? Because his species went extinct before the development of organized education. And he's also a Mammoth.

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A cat fell out of a really tall tree. It didn't land on its feet.

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My sister has to take a dump

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Why did the rooster go to kfc? To see a chicken strip

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Why did the man go to the restaurant? Because he wanted to get some food.

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What is the difference between a baby and a tampoline? You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

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A black policeman and a white policeman work different shifts, one is during the day and one is at night and the both get equal pay.

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Do you know any good bird jokes? Well this is hawkward...

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What did the man do at the "take a penny leave a penny holder" He took a penny, and left a penny.

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What's the difference between a Jew and Hitler? Well, I asked you so I don't know why you said "what?".

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what is a vampires favorite dessert? a used tampon

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why does andy thomson speak that slow because he speaks that way

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Q: how many Pollocks does it take to paint a house? A: 100. 99 to spin the house and 1 to hold the paint brush

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I dislike old people.

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Three blind mice walk into a bar, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative

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-Knock Knock -Whos there? -The police -OH SHIT

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Women's Golf

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Your mama's so fat her patronus is a cake

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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How can you tell if a woman is dead? She has no pulse.

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what do you call a dead baby in a blender? child abuse

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How do you get a baby to stop crying You kill it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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