how do you kill a blonde? -a gun, knife or any other lethal object

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What do you call a black Arnold Schwarzenegger? Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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Golf.

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what's the funniest anti joke? not this one

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What do you call a man with no brain? dead.

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What did the father tell his son on his death bed? Nothing. He was hit by a car and was now a vegetable.

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If you want to paint a wall red, what is the fastest way to paint it with a crying baby? The baby will get very annoying and delay your wall from being painted so you put it in its crib in another room until you are done.

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What's samller than a table but can't go under it? A baby with hay fork in his back.

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What did batman say to robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? where's my tractor?

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-Knock Knock -Whos there? -The police -OH SHIT

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and a muslim walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the muslim has a can, being surprised how far a can can preach in Chicago. The bartender reminds the muslim that he entered with a swine, and the muslim is embarrased for the horse.

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What did Sam say when the basketball hit her face? Ouch.

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Why did the angry husband murder his cheating wife? She forgot to cook dinner.

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Why did somebody text "lol"? Because they laughed out loud.

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What do you call a black guy flying a plane. A pilot

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How did the fat man die? Clogged arteries leading to a heart attack.

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Why did the chiocken cross the road? There's no such thing as a chiocken.

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What's the difference between people who make dead baby jokes and people who don't make dead baby jokes? I don't avoid eye contact with people who don't make dead baby jokes.

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Stop being racist!Be a panda. They are black white and asian!!!!

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What did the cancer patient say to the arab? the tumors hurt my body

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A man is driving home from work. he realizes he left his suitcase back at the office. he turns around and drives back to the office. he walks in the office and grabs his suitcase, and as he's walking out he's stopped by his boss. his boss simply asks "what are you doing in the office at this time, Eric?" the man replies to his boss " sorry sir i was just grabbing my suitcase as i forgot to bring it as i was leaving work" his boss lets him pass " okay Eric, have a good night" the man get back in his car and drives home. but on his way home a pedestrian runs in front of the road. the man runs him over unintentionly. the man is jailed with manslaughter for 4 and a half years

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your momma is so stupid she failed math class

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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