How do you stop someone from dying of cancer? Shoot them in the head.

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Why did somebody text "lol"? Because they laughed out loud.

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When life gives you lemons, make a lemon and tamarind chutney.

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It's a scientific fact that if you took all the veins out of your body, and lined them up end to end, you would die.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Just open the damn door I forgot my key and I really need to pee

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why did Louisa go black and never go back? She got hit by a truck

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Whats big, tall and fat? Most of America.

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A women walks out of a kitchen.

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What is the difference between Terri Schaivo and a basket of rotting vegetables? The rotting vegetables aren't edible.

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Q. What's brown and people don't care when they step on it? A. Dirt

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What's the difference between a dead baby in my garage and a Ferrari in my garage? I don't have a Ferrari.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock Knock. Who's there? It's the chicken.

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how do you reunite the beatles 2 bullets

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Why did Suzy fall of the swing? -she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? Not Suzy

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How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas? Jewish people do not celebrate Christmas, for Christmas is an annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ, celebrated generally on December as a religious and cultural holiday by billions of people around the world. A feast central to the Christian liturgical year, it closes the Advent season and initiates the twelve days of Christmastide. Christmas is a civil holiday in many of the world's nations, is celebrated by an increasing number of people, and is an integral part of the Christmas and holiday season.

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Sea World Japan.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. Your family is dead.

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how do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for his 8th birthday? Prosthetic arms and legs.

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What did Santa Claus say to the young boy on Christmas Day? Santa Claus is a myth, that was actually a pedophile.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing..

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Why did the bride get a refrigerator for her wedding? Because it is a very nice present

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3 men- Greg-Allen-And James were on their way back from the bar. When the driver, Greg spun out of control. All of them died Instantly. Once they got to heaven, Jesus told them. " The better you were with Relationships, And loving just one person. The better Transportation you got." He bagan handing things out. " Well, Greg. Looks like you cheated on your most recent Girlfriend... Twice. You get a Bike." Next was Allen " Allen! Shame on you! You have dated 4 women at once! You get a Scooter!" And last was James. " James! You have stayed true to your wife! And all of your other ex- girlfriends. You get a Mustang!" Allen and Greg seen james, Sitting on his car, Upset. "Man! Whats wrong? You have the best thing you could get! I'd be happy!" James looks up and says " Thanks guys, But I just seen my Wife on A skateboard.."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops