why didnt the dog bark? he died in his sleep

thumb_up thumb_down +36

How do you get a movie star to go out with you? Blackmail.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why did the thief steal the kitchen sink? Everything else was stolen by another thief earlier in the day.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What's funny about a Jew, a Muslim, and a Christian going over the edge of a bridge in the same car? Nothing, they all died

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did the chicken cross the road? Hodor

thumb_up thumb_down +34

The mouse and the elephant went to take a bath. They had a nice time.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

69

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What's funny about suicide? Nothing, that's horrible.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the chicken cross the road? Loss of habitat.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? A watermelon is edible.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the man eat the apple? Because he was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Whats the difference between a dead baby and an orange? One is a tasty treat you can peal and enjoy and the other is an orange

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do you say to a black man who is in your house at night-time, carrying your television? Sir, may you please put down the television as it belongs to me and I worked hard to earn the money to buy it. If you do not I will have to contact the authorities to deal with you in a correct and fair manner.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do you call a Jewish lawyer, who is happily married to a woman, but goes and sees a man on the side? A gay Jewish lawyer who cheats on his fake wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Patrick is gay

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did the homeless man get for christmas? Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you get when you cross a cat with a log? I think the better question is why are you mixing those two things together?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Roses are grey Violets are grey I'm a dog

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm not a very good poet

thumb_up thumb_down +26

There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why was the orphan crying? His parents were dead and his future was uncertain.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A bar walks into your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why was Adam sad his dog got ran over? He was holding the dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops