shut up

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Time flies like a banana.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Exactly what?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's the difference between a mouse and a dinosaur? A lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

why did model 602734 have tests? he didn't

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Knock Knock. Go away!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

-Knock, Knock -Who's there? -Granny -You don't sound like Granny... -Just let me in little boy. -MOM!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness. Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's brown, dusty, and full of male? My asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the cheese say to his friend, who was also a cheese, before the cheese took a picture? ''Cheese''.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Rebecca Black was taking a leisurely stroll on a Friday afternoon. She was consumed by a lion.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the tortoise beat the hare. The tortoise had carcinoma thyroid cancer in the renal pelvis uterur.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the kid cross the road? He was strapped to a chicken!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the difference between a single mom and a stripper? Job status.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Pirate ships are used by pirates.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is brown, smells like shit and on fire? A muslim after the bomb vest malfuctioned!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock knock! Who's there? It's me, Allison. Oh, come in!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A black, asian, and white guy jump off a building, who lands first? Well, according to newton's law of gravitation every massive particle in the universe attracts every other massive particle with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. It depends on who weighs the most

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why do horses read books? We are all doomed...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

a Mexican and a black guy were sitting in the back of a car, who is driving? -- a cop

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you beat someone in a video game? You win it.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

The procrastinators association meeting has been postponed. - Anonymous

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Hey you want to hear a joke? Oh well. Goodbye

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops