How do you stop the neighbors kids jumping your fence and stealing your lemons? Molest them.

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Knock knock GET OUTTA HERE! Jesus Christ dude I just came for some eggs!....

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? With the technology of compact fluorescent light bulbs they don't go out for much longer, so the question is nearly irrelevant.

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Q: How much does a hipster weigh? A: It varies largely by hipster, the same way it does with any other person.

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What did the cab driver say to the duck who wanted a ride in the cab? Get out of the cab.

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Your mom is so fat that it's becoming a serious health concern...

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.

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Three blind mice walk into a bar, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative

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drugs.

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guess what Beethoven is doing right now. de-composing

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A blonde walks into a store and asks for the microwave behind the counter. The man behind the register promptly hands her the microwave and charges her $435 for it, which is utterly ridiculous.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He let go of it.

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How do you confuse a blond? Ask her to solve ( [3x - 3x^2 +1]^744 ) x ( [- 3x + 3x^2 +1]^745 )

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What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night to see your TV floating in midair? "I should probably lay off the hallucinogens."

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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What is black, white, and red all over? Obviusly a sunburned panguin.

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A Jew picked up a penny. He thought his beard matched the guy on the coin.

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what do you call the one eyed man in the land of the blind? You call him an outcast

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What does Lady Gaga call Hitler? Nothing special because she doesn't refer to him in everyday's speech.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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What do you call a cool pig? SPIDER-PIG!!!

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A man is talking to his friend at work. The man asks his friend, "Did you see the game last night?" Then a plane crashes into the building and we call it 911

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What do you call a diving-board factory worker threatening to jump off the roof? Names.

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Q) what happens when you tackle someone with 2 legs? A) you fall over

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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