I was going to write a joke about how I have alzheimers but than I forgot it

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You might be a redneck if you are a an uneducated white farm laborer from the south.

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There once was a man from Nantucket Whose name was Mike

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how do you get a chicken to sleep you slit it"s neck,and feed the body to your pet tiger

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What did the man say to the other man? I am unsure of what he said, but it seemed like a pretty nice conversation until one of the men got hit by a elephant.

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Why did the man have trouble breathing after meeting the President? He had a collapsed lung.

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How do you stop the neighbors kids jumping your fence and stealing your lemons? Molest them.

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Knock knock GET OUTTA HERE! Jesus Christ dude I just came for some eggs!....

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? With the technology of compact fluorescent light bulbs they don't go out for much longer, so the question is nearly irrelevant.

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Q: How much does a hipster weigh? A: It varies largely by hipster, the same way it does with any other person.

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What did the cab driver say to the duck who wanted a ride in the cab? Get out of the cab.

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Your mom is so fat that it's becoming a serious health concern...

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drugs.

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Three blind mice walk into a bar, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.

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A blonde walks into a store and asks for the microwave behind the counter. The man behind the register promptly hands her the microwave and charges her $435 for it, which is utterly ridiculous.

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Why did the man fall down the steps? I shot him in the face.

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guess what Beethoven is doing right now. de-composing

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He let go of it.

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What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night to see your TV floating in midair? "I should probably lay off the hallucinogens."

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How do you confuse a blond? Ask her to solve ( [3x - 3x^2 +1]^744 ) x ( [- 3x + 3x^2 +1]^745 )

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A Jew picked up a penny. He thought his beard matched the guy on the coin.

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What is black, white, and red all over? Obviusly a sunburned panguin.

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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