Chuck Norris died.

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a guy walks into a bar. unexpectedly, a terrorist walks in and shoots him in the head. After lots of therapy he can now go back to his average life.

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A Horse walks into a bar. Bartender:why the long face? Horse:I have terminal cancer.

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Did you know every 46 seconds somebody commits suicide Thumbs up for pancakes!

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Your mom is so fat, when she sat on a lump of coal she didn't realize she sat on a lump of coal.

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666 im christian

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Knock Knock Come In! Who me? Yeah. Ok.

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Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

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How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows? They all just sit and bitch about it.

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What's funny about suicide? Nothing, that's horrible.

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Knock Knock Who's there? I'm deaf. I'm deaf who? What?

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Three men are walking down the street to buy groceries. They then take a left and continue walking towards the store.

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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Why does Michael Jackson like K-mart? He does not; he is dead.

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has Parkinson's Disease which causes his hands to shake uncontrollably thus making drawing anything relatively difficult and a perfect circle impossible.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What is the difference between a bench and a black man? It is socially acceptable to sit on a bench to eat your lunch. If you did so to a black man you would probably be arrested.

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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How many blondes does is take to screw a man? one and a condem

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A Mexican walked away from a construction site.

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Potato salad

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This is not Will Smith.

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Knock knock Nobody's home.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Dementia Dementia who Knock, Knock

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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