Roses are brown. Violets are brown. It's the middle of winter. Flowers look like poop.

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whats round and like a ball a ball

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? where's my tractor?

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and a muslim walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the muslim has a can, being surprised how far a can can preach in Chicago. The bartender reminds the muslim that he entered with a swine, and the muslim is embarrased for the horse.

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What's your name? You tell me.

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What happend when Chuck Norris did a push up? He did one push up.

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What did the mollusk say to the sea cucumber? I don't know. Neither of them can talk.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's dead.

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why did the chicken cross the road? it wanted to get the waffle ice cream cone that was on the ground next to the little child who got hit by a bus.

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How do you get a movie star to go out with you? Blackmail.

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Yo Aodhan yer hands smell of pish

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There once was a man from Peru Whose limericks stopped at line two (I sense the public demanding an encore) There once was a man from Verdun There's also a limerick about Emperor Nero, but I can't tell it to you.

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Rosea's afre rewd Voleasts a/ere bluejw I ahve parkinson's dise'ase it ttook 4 hoiurs to w'irite this

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what is white and sticky? glue.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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What comes after 69? Mouthwash

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What's funny about a Jew, a Muslim, and a Christian going over the edge of a bridge in the same car? Nothing, they all died

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What's worse than dropping your ice cream on the floor? Getting the end of your penis stapled

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What did the cat say to the chicken? Nothing. Animals are not capable of speaking.

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Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducked.

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What did the homeless man get for christmas? Nothing

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Why did the man eat the apple? Because he was hungry.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, sorry i gave you Herpes type 2.

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Ask me if I'm a Banana Are you a Banana? Yes Oh, I couldn't tell in this lighting

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops