Why did somebody text "lol"? Because they laughed out loud.

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What did David say to Goliath? Not sure, does anyone have a Bible?

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An English man, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They each buy a pint and talk about their day.

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So a Jew, a black guy, and a Mexican all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey guys, what would you like?" They all get beer.

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What's big, and fat? Well, duh an elephant.

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A black guy and a white guy are sitting in the bar. Later they will probably return to their respectable homes.

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Why was the boy un-able to talk He was retarded

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wat do call a joke thats funny a funny joke

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“Anything that moves ey?” – William Deane

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What's the similarity between a grape and an elephant? Both are purple except for the elephant.

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DONALD TRUMP DIES

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What's longer then Kim Kardashian's Wedding? 73 days.

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How do you make the perfect anti-joke? Don't tell it.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a bagel.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Q. What's black and white and red all over? A. Certainly not a newspaper. Nobody reads those anymore.

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I am funny, yes? No, you are not.

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A cat and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender says "it's refreshing to see perennial enemies enjoying each others company".

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What is the black mans favorite color? -Time for you to get a watch

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven.

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What do you call a one-armed man Whatever his name is

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what did the hungry Ukrainian man say to his mother? "? ????? ???????? ?????????? ? ????. ?? ? ??????? ? ??????"

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Wanna hear a funny story? Sure Ok.

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Why was the boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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