A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Actually a lot because a pizza is a pizza andna Jew is a human.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Why dont you ask the chicken.

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What do you call a mexican without a lawn mower? .....unemployed

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your life

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What's the difference between a dead baby in my garage and a Ferrari in my garage? I don't have a Ferrari.

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whats worse the being in a car crash? finding out that your mother and father were in the other car and were fatally injured.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

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How did the poor young women get Aids? She got raped.

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whats worse then getting raped by a giant scorpion? getting raped by 2 giant scorpions!!!!!

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do you know a really good joke? i don't have one.

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Simon Cowell's hair is real.

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Who wears a forest ranger's hat and carries a can of kerosene? An arsonist who happens to be a forest ranger.

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Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because it's head's so far from his body.

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Why did the plane full of Arabs crash? One of The engines failed

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I LIKE TURLES.

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*Knock-Knock* "Who's there?" "The police, you're under arrest for the murder of your wife and your two children."

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Why did an abusive childhood affect the little boy's behavior? Beats me.

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Why did the dog go in the bar? Because the door was left open

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A blind woman walks into a bar... she stands there confused because she is blind and can't tell what going on.

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Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner there is no god and everybody hates you.

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that awkward moment when you get in the van and there are no sweets...

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Did you hear the one about the blonde who went to the grocery store? She walked in, purchased the items that she specified on her shopping list, then left and went to her daughter's piano recital.

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What did the robot say to the centipede? STOP BEING A CENTIPEDE!!!! It's funny cause the robot ain't got no arms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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