Three jewish men are standing in at a bar. Its getting late and the bartender tells the three men its time to go home. As they walk out to the street, the bartender asks if they will be needing a ride home. Of course these three men had a few drinks, but did not live too far down the road, so they decided to walk. They pass the first mans house and he goes in to see his wife and three kids. They walk past the second mans house and he goes in to see his fiance leaving only one man left. He gets to his house, unlocks the door and goes inside only to find a note on the counter. He gets onto his computor and see that he forgot his wallet at the bar. He goes downstairs and walks out the door only to find himself falling into a giant pit. After falling for a while he starts thinking about his life. Then he remebered that he wasnt jewish.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't because it got hit by a car.

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Why did the blond fail her Calculus test? She had a Biology test on the same day, and being that she is a bio major she felt it would be to her interest to put more emphasis on the bio test because she is only taking cal as an advanced elective credit, which would not effect her major GPA.

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what's your favorite soccer team? liverpool

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Why couldn't the woman go grocery shopping? She was paralyzed from the neck down.

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Nock nock. Whose there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow wh. ( mmmmooooo)

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What do you call a jew with no money It doesn't really matter because all jews have money

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What's wrong with him? He lit the flashlight at both ends.

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- Knock Knock. - Who's there? - You're coming with me.

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A man and a woman are in bed together and really want to do something, what is that something? Sleep.

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How do you know a dude is dead? He doesn't breath, he has no color in the face and his heart has stoped.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

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What does Lady Gaga call Hitler? Nothing special because she doesn't refer to him in everyday's speech.

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A Jew picked up a penny. He thought his beard matched the guy on the coin.

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There once was a man from Peru Whose limericks stopped at line two (I sense the public demanding an encore) There once was a man from Verdun There's also a limerick about Emperor Nero, but I can't tell it to you.

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What did the robot do when a person was shot? Nothing, it wasn't programmed for that situation.

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A white man, a black man and a muslim walk into a bar. The bar explodes, but the white man is the only one that dies, thanks to reasonable accommodations.

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An English man, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They each buy a pint and talk about their day.

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what is a vampires favorite dessert? a used tampon

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Roses are brown. Violets are brown. It's the middle of winter. Flowers look like poop.

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A blond walked into a bar. A guy picked her up and then they had sex.

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The little mouse lifted the giant Elephant up so the Elephant could reach the bag of snacks, but then the Elephant said: I cant reach it, you must be tired so lets switch places... Squish: Squish! Elephant: Mouse! Where are you! *looks at "squish" NO! THIS WAS NOT THE WAY THE JOKE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!!!! Moral: Elephants cant talk...

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Why did the women leave the kitchen? Because she had been forcibly removed from her place of food preparation by a large angry mob of her neighbours who thought she was a wtitch and were now going to burn at the stake. It is Salem, november 1643.

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Women's Golf

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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