Knock-Knock "Who's there?" "It's the police. We have a search warrant."

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What happens if Pinoccio says my nose is about to grow?

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What do you call a person with no legs, no arms, no eyes, and no heart? Well he'd be dead wouldn't he?

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Why isn't this joke funny Because i have cancer

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What did the man say when he dropped an apple on his foot? That might have caused some minor discomfort had I not been wearing shoes.

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Q: Why happened to the dead whale? A: It was shot by Asian pochures.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? She no longer has a pulse.

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On the last day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... A letter saying she had gone bankrupt, as she had spent all her money buying me 12 pear trees, 35 golden rings, hiring maids and pipers and etc. for over 100 hours, and an innumerable amount of animals.

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Exactly what?

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What is the same about a plum and an elephant? They're both grey except the plum

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What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree and lands on you, you'd die? A pool table.

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WHY DID THE KID RID HIS BRICK HE WAS BLIND

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What did the drummer say to other drummer? "Hey, I'm a drummer too."

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in 2001 a man was working happily in his office cubicle and got an email from his boss saying that he had great news for him. filled with excitment he knew he was getting A big promotion and could finally afford that new toy his kid has always wanted. Feeling great the man walks up to the office window to enjoy the view he notices a very large commercial airliner flying straight towards his office.

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Whats worst then the Holocaust? Two holocaust's.

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a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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What's the difference between a single mom and a stripper? Job status.

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What do you call a bunch of balck men running down a hill. A bunch of balck men running down a hill.

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What did the blue man say to the purple lady? Do you want to make purple.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Why can't Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 Million years.

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If I have 10 apples and you have 45 oranges how many plates can we fit on the roof? Purple because monkeys don’t fly

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What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef What do you call a cow that's been chopped in half? Dead

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You know what helps with sholder pain? If you lick my butthole.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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