*Knock Knock* "whose there?"... "me"

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Q: What did the guy say to his girlfriend? A: "I like turtles!" Then he smacks her ass.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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You know what they say about big feet... big penis.

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Why was the man named Thomas? Because that was his name

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? Your TV

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How many apples fit in a garbage bag? I actually don't know. I was asking you.

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wait am i supposed to right the joke down here

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One day I was walking in the forest when I saw a squirrel get hit by a van. It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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marble

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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What's the difference between a lamborghini and a sackful of dead babies? one is a car and the other is a grotesque travesty.

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If you have two berries in one hand, and three in the other, what do you get when you put them together? Five.

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why was the man coughing? because there was a knife in his throat.

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Three jewish men are standing in at a bar. Its getting late and the bartender tells the three men its time to go home. As they walk out to the street, the bartender asks if they will be needing a ride home. Of course these three men had a few drinks, but did not live too far down the road, so they decided to walk. They pass the first mans house and he goes in to see his wife and three kids. They walk past the second mans house and he goes in to see his fiance leaving only one man left. He gets to his house, unlocks the door and goes inside only to find a note on the counter. He gets onto his computor and see that he forgot his wallet at the bar. He goes downstairs and walks out the door only to find himself falling into a giant pit. After falling for a while he starts thinking about his life. Then he remebered that he wasnt jewish.

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Why did the man burp? Because gases escaped from his stomach and came out of his mouth.

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Roses are white Violets are white I did it in the garden

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What do you call Justin Bieber having sex with a women? Sex.

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GooglePlus.

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Why didn't the man show up for work on Monday? He gets Mondays off.

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You and your wife walk into a bar, you both order a drink and celebrate your good health.

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Knock knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness ... Hello?

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Lets go Detroit Pistons!

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There once was a beautiful princess named Snow White who lived with seven dwarves in the forest. One day, and old hag approached her and offered her an apple. She bit into the apple, chewed, and said,"Wow, that's tasty. Is this a Golden Delicious?" The hag said, "Why yes, it is. I have a private orchard. Perhaps I'll let you see it some time." The two promptly resumed their lives.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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