i am an idiot if you read this outloud your a dumb ass

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What's longer then Kim Kardashian's Wedding? 73 days.

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what do you call a cucumber that is wearing a dress.... an asian lady

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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live babies

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Binladen coming to a beach near you :D

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Your mom is so fat she should be concerned about her increased risk of heart failure.

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A man about to get on a plane forgets to store his utility knife in his bag before the security scan. He is taken to a back room for private questioning and fined.

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Brienna Chladek (515)556-4811. Call me;) anytime I'm a teenager:) xoxo

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Roses are red, I have a phone, nobody texts me, forever alone...

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Why do black people ride Septa? Because septa is an affordable and convenient means of transportation.

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my aunt Always used to say"go with the flow" she died in a kayak accident last Sunday

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How did two Jews react when they saw a quarter on the sidewalk? They agreed to donate it to charity.

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I have a left shoe. I have a right shoe. I have two feet

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Knock knock Nobody's home.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Cause 7 is black.

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When life gives you lemons. You make beef stew. #andymilinokis

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What do you call a dragon that doesn't breathe fire? A Griffin.

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Why did Napoleon cross his legs? Because he had to go to the bathroom

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Nick. Nick who? Nick Wyatt

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A. Knock-knock. B. Who's there? A. Hey, your doorbell's broken.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? The KKK

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No.

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arse

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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