Q: What did the guy say to his girlfriend? A: "I like turtles!" Then he smacks her ass.

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marble

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Why did lady gaga set her alarm? So she could get up in the morning.

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Why was it so easy for Superman to pick up chics? His butt ox.

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Why was the blonde woman crying? -because she witnessed her infant get sucked into a jet engine and was very sad.

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Your mother is so fat, that she's working really hard to get back in shape so that she can support her family.

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What does Mickey mouse do every day? Minnie mouse

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? -death -kidney failure -gall stones -getting in an automobile accident -getting struck by lightning -getting sodomized -embezzlement -deception -HIV/AIDS -illness of any nature -world hunger -the holocaust -Zimbabwe's economy -getting hit by a train -getting hit by a bus -the hives -getting bit by an alligator -head injuries -being arrested -childhood obesity -sexual predators -highly impoverished areas -losing a finger -getting hit with a bat -corruption -general rudeness -being lost in the woods -contracting a sexually transmitted virus -teen pregnancy -murder -rape -robbery -going blind -losing a child -falling down a well -bestiality -identity fraud -massacres -racism -genocide -mental disabilities in children -bullying -food poisoning -stepping on a nail -eugenics -the mass murder, rape, and theft of the land from the Native people of America -forced assimilation -slavery -brain deteriorating illness -matricide -prostitution - accidentally repeating yourself -prostitution -domestic violence -animal cruelty -pollution -deforestation -global warming -losing your life savings -still birth -oppressive leaders -physical conflicts -world wars and other military conflict -the situation in Rwanda -Inequality in treatment of women in middle eastern countries -auto theft -tax evasion -terrorism -being diagnosed with cancer -clinical depression -prostitution -finding two worms in your apple

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Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To keep their pants up

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You know what happens when you assume. You jump to a conclusion that could conceivably have severe consequences.

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Knock knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness ... Hello?

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no

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Why don't seagulls live in the bay? Because then they'd be bagels

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Why was the boy sad? Because his dog was brutally murdered and the man responsible painted his bedroom walls in the dogs blood.

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what do you call someone that ran into a wall hurt

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side why didnt the chicken cross back? for the first time in his life, Clucky the chicken, felt liberated. his cruel life flashed before his eyes, forcing him to remember all the bad tines he had spent on the McKinley farm. all the eggs stolen from him, watching all his friends being taken for slaughter. it all came back. from the other side of the road, Clucky saw a place he never wanted to go back to, a place he wanted to forget. the day he chose not to cross back was the first real day in Clucky's life.

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What do you call a monkey? A monkey.

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Haikus are easy They are simpler than you think Just don't run out of...

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why did every one in the world die? a Train pooped it's pants.

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What do you call a cow with big horns? A bull.

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come along children

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What is black, white, and red all over? Obviusly a sunburned panguin.

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Do you want to hear a joke? Sure. Justin Bieber is straight.

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How do you keep children off your front lawn? You molest them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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