Homeless man....it's what's for dinner!

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a worm on the other side. And the more pressing question is why do i watch a chicken in my free time

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what sucks blows and gets laid in the closet. YOUR MOM VACUMING

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How do you make a sausage roll? Wrap some sausage meat in a pastry dough made of plain flour, water, salt and fat, and bake it in an oven.

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A baby walks into a bar and the bartender says.... Where is your mom?

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Reilly and Ross went up to fetch a pale of water when a triceratops turned them into bagels then ate them and later crapped them out....

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What do you get if you cross a goat with a horse? Long letters of complaints by animal rights groups

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What the small boy with no arms or legs get fro christmas???? cancer

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What starts with P and ends with ORN? Porn

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What did the cow say to the chicken crossing the road? Moo

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Roses are red Violets are blue I hate rhyming Penis

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Why can't a cat fly Because it doesn't have wings.

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What did the little boy get from his parents on Christmas? Nothing. His parents died 2 nights before in a tragic car crash.

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Obama holds the most records for Multikills with Drones. Mu-mu-muuuultiiikilllll.

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why do german shower have eleven holes? jews have 10 fingers

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was a socially responsible chicken and his family was on the other side and every day walks his ass across the street to go to work to provide for his family, unlike your dead-beat ass.

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How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Let's ride bikes!!

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So, I walk into a bar and say "Why do you call this place a bar, I don't see any bars in here!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? Two in the front, three in the back, and 278 in the ash tray/\.

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Why did the pelican cross the road? The man did not reply because his mother recently died in a car accident while crossing the road. She also loved pelicans.

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What's the relationship between a frog and a building? They have nothing to do with each other so stop trying to figure out this query.

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Women's rights.

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Your mother is so fat, we needs two fat jokes to adequatly make fun of her.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops