What do you call a blonde at the beach? A dipthong.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Scenario: Two guys are out hunting. Two guys are walking and a one falls down. The other calls 911 and the guy still standing asks what to do. The person at the hospital told him to make sure his friend was dead, then heard a gunshot. The guy who called said "Now what do I do?"

thumb_up thumb_down -8

there once was a man, he was old, and he had one wish...do you wanna know that wish? Well i don't know it because he died two seconds ago from a heart attack. Oh Well...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why was the man attracted to other men? Because he was gay, and that is typically what happens when people are attracted to members of the same sex, and it is as natural as a man being attracted to women.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why was 95 lb jack able to chug so fast? Because he is a diabetic

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A man walks into a bar with an MP5 and proceeds to fire thirteen bullets into a crowd of people, several unarmed bystanders attempt to disarm the gunman but they are promptly ordered to stay back or they too would be fired on, a witness reports gunfire coming from down the street to local emergency services and they arrive quickly, organising a perimeter around the bar, county sherriffs decide it would be safest to wait for a swat team, as reports indicated the gunman may have hostages, however the gunfire appears to have ceased an noone has entered or exited the building since police arrived on scene. As SWAT arrives on scene and media helicopters circle above, a person emerges from the bar and the gunman appears behind him, he shoots and kills the hostage and then turns the gun on himself, the death toll reached sixteen including the gunman and as many as fourteen people were injured. there was no clear motive to the massacre, but a search of his appartment indicated he was tired of one-liners on typical joke sites and felt his wife's betrayal with his best friend was too much to bare and he simply snapped after losing his job in the current economic situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

while in iraq i bought a brand new iphone from the black market...it was only $250....its was doing fantastic until i got a text...i herd a loud beeping noise and the it exploded in my pocket and now i no longer have a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

"i once had a rabbit named socks.he was a funny little fellow until one day he got over excited and...well..." "did he...i mean..you know..did he...?" "what?lose a claw,throw up, sit in a pan of warm water until he calmed down?" "yeah! :)" "yes...but then he died."

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's black, white, and red all over?? A penguin that just got hit by a truck and is now struggling to live.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q:Whats the difference between Glenn Close and a black widow? A:one is a person, the other is a species of spider.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whroe whore whore whore whroe

thumb_up thumb_down -10

No smoking No eating No drinking On this bus Didn't say anything about sniffing

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Alcoholic walks into a bar and then walks out because he promised his children and wife that he would straight out his life.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats 9 plus 10? 19

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's green, has six legs and lives in the jungle? A Snooker Table.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A duck walks into a bar. The bartender says what will it be? The duck replies "lemonade!"

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q: why did the dog fall down the stairs? A: Because I pushed him down.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A Sodium atom walks into a bar. A Chlorine atom bumps into it, taking the electron, then making a bond. Suddenly, the police come in. They arrest the Chlorine atom, of course, but they also arrest the Sodium atom. He says, "what did I do?" The policemen say, "you're too ugly to be out in public."

thumb_up thumb_down -12

When you aren't feeling well, you should see a doctor like this: https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS5u4lryU5PzmLUKCGEKZgDWMeQ_96VLEKFGu7Wvk-4M7UXHkOXBw

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's green and has wheels? Grass I lied about the wheels

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why do dinosaurs have no friends? Because they are all dead

thumb_up thumb_down -16

HAHAHAHAHAHA.....shut up your joke isn't better.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: Why did the chicken cross the street? A: Because that was the direction it was headed.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the coat say to the dog? Nothing, the coat was inanimate

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops