What do you call a black man with a knife and red liquid on his hands? A chef who accidently spilled strawberry jam on himself.

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Someone dies every second. That's 60 a minute. 3600 a hour. 86,400 a day. 604,800 a week. 31,536,000 a year. But thankfully- I don't live in Zimbabwe.

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What do you call Metta World Peace after he has hit somebody? Metta World War.

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Did you hear about that anthony weiner guy. He is very depressed, and your mother has cancer.

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what did the thief say to the man that lost his car? i stole your car.

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Roses are red, Facebook is blue, we have mutual friends, and violets are blue and roses are red. FRIDGE

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what did the apple say to the orange? -- NOTHING! APPLES DO NOT TALK!

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What do you call a Mexican in the sand? A churro! (not trying to be racist, I'm even Mexican)

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There's a 4 door kayak going down the street and it loses a wing. How many doughnuts fit in a dog house? And remember its not yellow, because snakes don't have armpits.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The first line is spelled wrong, Ha, I tricked you

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You know what really chaps my ass? Thongs.

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What do you get when you cross two things that are seemingly unrelated? A play on words.

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Why did the boy fall of the swing He had no arms

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Q. what tall and looks like a jew? A.TODD

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Did you see my sandwitch? No. I am your sandwitch, and therefore no one thought to put me up to a mirror. Would you like me to? No. I have no eyes. And why are you talking to a sandwitch??? ...

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A man walks into a bar, furious that his son had been knocked down by a car and was now in hospital with a fractured leg and concussion. Another man, who sits on a stool at the end of the bar, is playing with his drink and wondering if his wife had made a chicken curry, since she said she would for tonight's dinner.

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A man is walking down the street and sees a women sat on the pavement crying, he walks over to her and asks "what's wrong?" to which the women replies "it doesn't matter" the women then walks away as she did not want to share private information with a stranger.

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A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim are on a plane to France. When they arrive in Paris one will go visit a friend who recently found inspiration in the many magical streets of the city and is in the middle of a year abroad. Another will search for a job and home to support himself and any future family that he might choose to have in the future. The last will check into a hotel and proceed to have a wonderful time seeing all the sights that Paris has to offer.

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Why did the goat cross the road. To put his sacrifices into the pentagram.

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Which is worse, 9/11 or the holocaust? Biting into an apple and finding a worm.

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What is better than one wors roll - two wors rolls

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want more?

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What's Worse Than Falling Over? .......Rape.

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Q: Wanna hear a dirty joke? A: A kid fell in the mud.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops