Why could't Jerry go to school on the Wednesday? Because he died on the Monday.

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Why did Jim get hit by a train? Because he was standing in the tracks.

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Why did Adolf Hitler Start WWII and kill millions of Jews? Because he was a poweful dictator

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How many apples do you end up with if your dog is a golden retriever who got raped by a giant scorpion? A jail

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I tried to play soccer a long time ago. I didn't score and managed to get red card... Then I realized it was not my thing

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Why wouldn't Julius Caesar like olives on his pizza? Because he's dead.

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what do you get when you cross a broken arm and a broken leg? a broken head.

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Robert Muldoon: "Clever girl..." Velociraptor: "I appreciate your compliment, but I will still eat your face."

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What did the black guy get for Christmas? (In 1938) A bruise from the Klu Klux Klan.

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why did the kid burst into flames cause he lit himself on fire

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One day there was a princess born in the jungle. The story goes, that she'd be saved by a grand champion - a Hero. So the day came that she fell in love. After a few magical years, they broke up and she realized that fairy tales are for little girls.

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Q: You know what never gets old? A: The kids in a school shooting

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

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Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.

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Where do penguins keep their money? No where. Penguins don't have a money economy

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Why did Jimmy go to a Barbershop for the first time? He needed a haircut, and the salon next to his house was closed because of financial problems

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Why was the teacher having sex with her pupils? Because it was 2145 and that kind of shit is common then

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what did the pumpkin muffin say to the blueberry muffin? nothing, because muffins can't talk.

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a black man and a Mexican are in the back seat of the car. whos driving the car? their best friend

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theres a straight guy, a gay guy ,and a jew the weird part is the straight guy hits on the jew and the gay guy which make the situation all akward.

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BOYS ARE DUMB AND THEY SMELL FUNNY AND IM ANGRY

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Whats the difference between a monkey and another monkey? I dont know google it!

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What do you calk a dirty mexican? a hard working gardener

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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