- Anti Joke

What does the ship say when it's cold? Shiver me timbers

If your Jewish, then don't go to Germany.

Do you still got what it needs to become a better leader than me Nero?

Three men are walking on a beach when they find a lamp. They rub it, and a genie comes out. It tells them that they each get one wish, and to choose wisely. They each decide to discuss what to wish for with their wives. Their wives take them to a local hospital, where they receive treatment for hallucinations.

What do you call thousands of people running through london? The marathon

A brunette, a blond and a red-head decide to go swimming in a lake. To prepare, they go shopping together to get some new bikinis. When they get to the shop they are pleased to find that the bikinis are on sale and they get them 50% off. They drive with their new swimwear to the lake and get changed in the changing room. When they get out they notice that it is quite cold. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice that the lake is dirty. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice the lake is actually a spill of oil. They decide to go swimming anyway. They remember that none of them can swim. They decide to go swimming anyway. They jump in. They drown.

2 boy once went to a party. One boy dared the other to suck all the helium out of a balloon. Today this boy is know as Justin Bieber

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator? You open the door, put the giraffe in and close the door. How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?. . . . . . No! You open the door, TAKE THE GIRAFFE OUT, and put the elephant in. So, the lion calls a meating in the animal kingdom and who's not there? The elephant, he's in the refrigerator. You have to cross a river infested with crocodiles, and you don't have a boat. How do you get across?. . . . . . No! You get in the river and swim across because the crocodiles are at the meating with the lion!

There was once a Polish man who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat down to contemplate the situation, and after a few hours, he thought, "I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am Polish and make fun of me." He went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, "I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini." Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you Polish?" This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, "Are you Polish or not?" This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner's discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, "But how did you know?" The shopkeeper replied, "My grandmother was Polish. I could tell by your accent."

What does a dishwasher and the holocaust have in common? Not much.

What's brown, sticky, green, yellow, and orange that rides a unicycle? I have no clue, that's why I asked.

A guy walks into a bar. The second guy ducks.

I can prove I'm a psychic - this post is going to receive a lot of dislikes.

whats big and green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? a snooker table

when geese fly in a v formation, why is one side always longer then the other? Because you touch yourself at night...

Imagine yourself in a box with no windows and no doors. How do you get out? Stop imagining.

Roses are red, Violets are red, Daisies are red, OH SHIT! MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!!!

Q: How do you drown a black guy? A: Hold his head underwater and sit on his back.

How did Ronald McDonald die He was hit by a big mac

Why couldn't the Jew get pregnant? Because he was man.

Santa and a smart blonde jump of a cliff. Who gets to the ground first? Neither, they don't exist.

why did the black guy talk to the monkey? they were in the same cage.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

roses are read violets are blue my fanny is orange I have the flu my name is gemma

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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