What do a Jew and a whale have in common? They're both Jewish. Except the whale.

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Why did the child cry? His sister just left for college

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Why did the blond cross the road? She needed to get to the shop as she'd run out of milk.

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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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what did the woman say when the guy told her he liked her christmas tree? thank you.

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There once was a girl with only one buttcheek. She couldn't go poop. She died.

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A: What dose God listen to? B: Slayer. A: Trick Question, God=Slayer

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What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jew? One comes back from camp.

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Three children had stumbled upon a magic slide. There was a sign on the slide stating that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "JELLY" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of jelly when he reached the bottom of the slide. The next child, so excited to go down the slide began sliding down. She shouted out "LOLLIES" and sure enough she landed in a large pool of sweets and chocolates at the bottom of the slide. Finally, the youngest girl in the group mounted the slide. As she was going down she was enjoying the slide so much that she shouted "POOS POOS" forgetting the rule of the magic slide and finally landing in a large pool of excrement.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Q:Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A:The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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Why did the old man go to the retirement home? The 75 year old man had a 45 year career in pluming and he thought it was a good time to retire after saving enough money to be happy and he could spend the rest of his life with his wife. The retirement home was also not that far away from his grandchildren so he liked the location and the home was also very clean and the workers seemed very nice. But this was just a visit to see if he liked it, he may live there soon.

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Q: Whats the best part of a bald pussy? A: After you put the diaper back on you perv!

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Stephen Hawking is so paranoid, always looking over his shoulder.

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Hey, you why you say poo poo nae nae watch me whip, and do the dougie, and then happy halloween? Potato Salad

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What did the little boy want to be when he grew up? A cone

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why did the couple sell their house? their children were all raped and then murdered in it and they cant stand the memories

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Why did Jim go to the hospital? To get an autopsy.

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Why did the legless person roll down a hill? Because he was in a wheelchair

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What did Jamaal say when he was in Walmart? I'm Jamaal and I'm in Walmart.

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How many dead guys does it take to build a shed? None. The contractor did it for 40 dollars an hour using maple wood.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your mum is dead, Just fucking with you! Kelvin Yang.

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knock knock who's there? me josh! come in.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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