question: why did the dog whine? answer: Because it wanted the freakin bone

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga in the morning You poke her face

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What is worse than torturing, "forcibly penetrate" and then slowly and painfully kill nine billion people? The Holocaust?

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How many types of pure breed dogs are there in the world? 701

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Why was the old man lying on the floor? He had a heart attack and died

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Q: How did the black guy die? A: After a long battle with a terrible case of pneumonia he struggled to breath and died a slow and peaceful death... R.I.P. Dad

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why did the boy fall off his bike? because his mum through a fridge at him

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Why was the trucker making noises? It was having sex with someone

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Voldemort's nose is so flat, that it looks like he doesn't have a nose.

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In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

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What did David's mom give him for his birthday? Nothing he hasn't seen her in eight years.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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How do you put an elephant in a taxi? You open the door, make sure the elephant is seated confortably, and close the door.

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If you spell "ChuckNorris" in scrabble, you get 22 points.

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what worse than bitting into an apple and finding a worm bitting into a worm and finding an apple

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Q: Why was the little boy late for school? A: His face was stapled to a wall.

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Why does Greg steal? Because he is a thief He is also scouse!

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman

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what did the mother say to the banana? I'm going to eat you like your father.

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what do you get when you cross a puma and a turkey? A horrible abomination of life that begs to be killed.

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I hate it when people dont finish there sen

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what do you get when you cross an ant with toni? ANTONI

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a pan of muffins comes out of the oven one muffin says "hey im really burnt" another muffin says "oh my gosh! a talking muffin!"

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WHY DONT WE HAVE BOTH?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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