A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office covered only in Saran Wrap. He asks the doctor, "The strip of metal teeth is missing from the box, so could I borrow your scissors?"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the lady say after she returned home from the grocery store? "Oh no! I forgot the milk!"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Chuck Norris walks up to a baby and punches it in the face He walks away and laughs

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the chicken cross the road? Why would the chicken cross a road

thumb_up thumb_down -9

So Bob walked into his house after a long day at work and layed a rope on his bed. A few hours later his wife came home and found a beautiful tire swing in their backyard but her husband shot him self in his throat.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken was trying to escape from the sad and depressing environment that surrounded him on the side he thus came from. Alas, he did not know that he would be soon hit by a drunk truck driver, who would also die, in a bright explosion of morbid flames and screams.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Who ever invented the "Knock- Knock jokes" should get a "No-bell prize"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the douche bag get for Christmas?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you make Justin Bieber cry? You take away his marijuana.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Knock knock *I need to either stop masturbating or answer the door* He's probably masturbating. *Who's there?* The other guy left. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

whats black with purple?nothing no animals or humans have anything like that

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Your mother is so obese that she has over the recommended daily calorie intake on a regular basis.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the librarian say to the rude man who was talking very loudly? The librarian said "shhh keep it down."

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker, and the other is an advisor who assists people by representing them on legal matters.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Sigh, everybody in the world hates me :( Moral: Seven billion people? Realy?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did it take a long time to read the anti-joke? Because of the great amount of space between the question and the answer.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's the difference between a goat and a cherry? You can't put a goat on top of your ice cream.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the chick cross the road? Because she's a gold digger homie, dat chick is greedy like a mofo. She be all up in your grill and sheit tryin' getchu to spend your money lik dat homie ditch dat hoe, she aint even worth it brotha.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Who cut the cheese? It's sliced so evenly.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

-The proceeding statement is true. -The preceeding statement is false.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Want to hear a funny story? So, these to kids have cancer...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How to shrink China's population in a few minutes? Nuke them all, simple.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why does no one like fat people? Because of Jesse Ziegenbein

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops