Jeez Bill, how drunk was I last night? You took my pet parakeet, threw it at my daughter's piggy bank and yelled "ANGRY BIRDS!!!!"

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A teenage girl walks into a bar. She sits down and watches the TV up against the wall. The bartender walks by and says "Hello, do you have I.D." The girl says "No, I'm just here waiting for my ride." The bartender then says "Well I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you gotta be 21 or over to sit in the bar." The girl says "Okay, but is there anywhere I can wait that is safe?" The bartender asks "Why?" and the girl replies "Well, I've been hiding from my ex boyfriend. I just broke up with him an hour ago. He was very controlling and he is still not over me. So now I'm here waiting for my new boyfriend." The bartender says "What you have a new boyfriend already? Maybe that's why your ex was angry." The girl says "yeah, I know, oh look there's my ride. It was nice talking with you, have a good night."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a smoke dectecter, You died in a fire

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What did Johnny get for Christmas? Drugs, Johnny was a convicted drug dealer, age 19.

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why did the black man shoot himself? because he commited a crime and was sorry for what he had done

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Your mom is so fat, she weighs 732 kilograms.

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What's brown and sticky? A black man covered in syrup.

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In Soviet Russia, you drive the car, fill it up with gas, and park it. Just like in America.

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an 80 yr old man apllies to walmart

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why were the niggas in paris? rhetorical question. everyone knows they aren't french

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Why can't Helen Keller just kidding she's dead

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A man was struck by lightning. What did you think he got super powers or something? No. He died a horrible death

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What did the guy say to the other guy? Hello.

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Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he was eaten alive!!!

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What was the black kid carrying when he was running down your street? His television set

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A man asked Alexander the Great if he was gay, yet Alexander the Great was not offended. Why? Because "gay" has a rather different connotation than in the modern world than it did in earlier time periods where it meant "happy". Also, Macedonians, Alexander the Great's native people, did not speak English so he would not understand the question. Also Alexander the Great was gay in the sense that he was actually a homosexual.

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Q: What do you call a pair of dead babies lying on the ground? A: Slippers

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What's special about an Irish Parachute ? It's made in Ireland.

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When life gives you lemons squeeze them at people then run away.

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What kind of movies do pirates like? They don't know, Somalia doesn't have much of a film industry.

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Your mommas so stupid she decided to go to night school to better her self. She got a degree in business and finance and is now a manager for HSBC

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roses are red, violets are blue, im a bad poet, text me. LMFAO

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My mother always said that jumping in piles of leaves was fun. That was before she died of pancreatic cancer.

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What's the difference between a baby and my trampoline? I take my boots off before i jump on my trampoline. . .

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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