why did the cow cross the road because pigs were not flying i had to write it hurts

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My cat just died.

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Whats the difference between a penis and a vagina? Pancakes,

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Whats brown, sweet, and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman are all in the Great Britain Olympic squad,

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what do michael Jackson and little boys do in the dark alone? they turn on the flashlight

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How is a monkey like a bicycle? They can both climb trees. Except for the bicycle.

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"knock knock" "who's there" *no answer* Opens door to find dead wife lying on doorstep with 'lol' stamped on forehead

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what do you get when a penguin has a heart atack pengatack

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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Two guys walk into a bar together. They are diagnosed with a concussion and later on in life have serious brain issues

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In America you read books, but in Soviet Russia, it's exactly the same as it is in America, because it's not possible for books to read humans.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass I lied about the wheels.

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Why did the duly oppressed individual where sunglasses? Because the sun was bright.

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A blonde drank an entire fruit smoothie in one sitting. She got a brain freeze.

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What's the difference between an anti-joke and a joke? The anti-Joke isn't a freaking joke. So stop freaking doing it!

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Two horses were discussing their racing records. The first said, "In my whole life I had won ten races." The second horse says, "Well, I've won twelve of those!" A greyhound trotting by chimes in, "Not bragging guys, but in my career, I've won twenty!" "Unbelievable!" exclaimed both horses. "It's a talking dog!"

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You wake, and up for a second you are dazed. Then you open your eyes slowly because you are afraid of what is to come. You then remember oh right I had a sleepover at john smith's house.

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How many anti jokes can you make from one joke? 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. 41. 42. 43. 44. 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. And so on.

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what's black and white and red all over? a zebra in a blender

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Roses are stools, Violets are bums, sugar is knit, thank you, LSD.

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how do you wake up a really old man? you dont, he's probably already dead.

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what's worse than waiting 45 minutes in an amusement park ride? getting your penis chopped off.

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Why do thieves shower before undertaking a robbery? Probably part of their morning routine.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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