Timmy's mom is an alcoholic. His dog is asleep in the backyard. Timmy asks his mother, "Why is our dog sleeping?" His mother replies, "It's not sleeping, its dead."

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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Why did the blonde fail her science test? Because she spent all day at the hair salon getting her hair died from brown to blonde when she should have spent the time productively studying.

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There once was a mam from Peru He dreamed he was eating a shoe It wasn't... It was a goat

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What's the difference between an apple and a banana? One's an apple.

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What's worse than 50 dead babies stapled to trees? 47 dead babies stapled to trees (it's better if it's a nice, round number.)

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Why did little jimmy fall of his bike? His grandma threw the refrigarator at him.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue If you think this is gonna rhyme, You're dead wrong.

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what happened to the girl next door ? she was brutally murdered.

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What happens if you don't stop, drop, and roll? Astigmatism.

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What did Kane Larkin get on his birthday? Cancer...

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A cat walks into a bar. She belongs to the owner, so he gives her a saucer of milk.

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Whats Brown, Long and is on every black man? Legs

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A blonde walks out of a hair salon She had just dyed her hair.

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why did susie fall off the dollar coaster? it only cost 50 cents susie is gone now

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What song does the lady camel sing to seduce male camels - my humps my humps my humps my humps How did sergay the camel respond? -we dont know. He died a fatal death involving hippos in hula skirts, and flying guavas

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have alzheimers. Cheese on toast.

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How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way. ernkso

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because ti was stapled to the chicken.

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What's the correct way to eat spaghetti? Put it in your mouth.

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Why wasn't 7 afraid of 6? Numbers are numbers and therefore incapable of feeling any emotion.

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Why couldn't the melons get married? As gay cantaloupes, their jurisdiction didn't allow for same-sex marriage.

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roses are red, violets are blue, im a bad poet, text me. LMFAO

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Q: What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep? A: A genetic aberration that is an insult to both God and man.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops