What has eyes but can't see? Helen Keller. What has ears but can't hear? A field of corn.

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What did the computer say to his girlfriend? I'm going to RAM you tonight.

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Why did the dog run away from home? Because the owner left the door open.

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Why do you have to write a conclusion at the end of your paper? So people dont have to read the whole thing.

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Nice ass. Too bad it's cracked in the middle, though.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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There is two guys named tard and retard on a boat in shallow water. they both fall off. Who gets back up onto the boat? - Obviously Tard because ur dealing with a retard here.

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hello i hav a growing interes in math and arithmetic especially when it involves pi if u are still reading this you either didnt realize that this was a joke or just didnt care but most likely it means that the first line interested or bored u and u wanted to find out wut the rest was u like????

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A classic (apologies if it's been posted before): A woman was riding the bus home after a day of shopping. Suddenly she jumped up, shouting "may aspirins! My aspirins!" The driver replied: "You probably left them on the counter at the drugstore."

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My cake is yummy, It's icing is blue. It will always be mine, Come close and I'll punch you. So stay away from it And you will be safe, But if you dont listen, Prepare ice for your face!

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What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalottapuss What dou you call a gay dinosaurs dog? Megasoreass Rex

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How many filthy niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, because I killed off all the filthy niggers.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was the only way to get across

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What did the white boy say to the black boy? You're black

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In a stranded island, a plane crashes. Only one man survives. He asks himself "Where do I bury everybody else?" The others proceed to look at him strangely. He was the only surviving male.

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Why did the blonde arrest the man? Because he brutally murdered his wife and children.

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Why did the Old Lady cross the road? Because the worm selected her as a weapon

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Roses are red, violets are blue, my life didn't start, until I met you! :) Megan _____

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Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint.

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How I Met Your Mother, starring Oedipus Rex

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pants on the ground pants on the ground lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground

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What's more absurd than a goldfish astronaut? A jew that cares about palestinians

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What's the difference between Jews and pizza? God likes pizza

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How do you wake up lady gaga Set her alarm clock to an appropriate time

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops