A Jew walks into a bar. He immediately turns around and walks out because prices at this particular high end bar are much too high for his liking.

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A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a whiskey sour and a mop.

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Why doesn't Austin have sex? Because when his wife gets hot he puts dirt on her and hits her with a shovel

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what did the cashier do when a Mexican robbed the store? call the police

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What did the cheerleader get for christmas? Money, because she's a stupid w hore

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Q: What should you do when life gives you lemons? A: Life would never really give you lemons...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, most chickens are held on farms, but those that do roam free are afraid of automobiles so therefore they wouldn't go near a road at all. But if the chicken was located in a deserted town there would be no traffic, so then it would be able to cross freely over any road there and not get injured or mortally wounded.

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How did the hairless cat brush its hair? It could not, it was hairless. Also, cats do not have opposable thumbs, making it near impossible to do such a thing.

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What do you call a really bad band? One with a poor guitar player, a bad bass player, sloppy drums, obnoxious vocals, and all of the songs sound the same. Or Nickelback.

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How many fish fingers does it take to change a lightbulb? Five.

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i quit soccer because science happened and then i forgot how to screw in a lightbulb

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How many babies does it take to tile a roof? Depends how thinly you slice them

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What did the woman say when she ate crabs. This smells like my vagina (This women died slowly from crabs)

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Your legs are more open than my back door! Which is closed.

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What's the difference between Little Billy and Ice Cream? People like Ice Cream.

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Smoke Day, Every Weed.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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how do you make a baby stop crying? but hot coals down its throat

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What do you call a black man with no arms? Trustworthy.

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What's 9+10? 19

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You thought i'd be telling you a joke. Turns out im not.. !! haha

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What did modern scientists say to Einstein? Neurtinos travel faster than the speed of light! :)

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Knock Knock Who's there? Eat a d!ck you sh!t fukk! I'm going have to ask you leave now

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. They have some pints then leave to do their respective tasks for the day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops