How many dead guys does it take to build a shed? None. The contractor did it for 40 dollars an hour using maple wood.

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Daisies are red. WHY IS MY GARDEN ON FIRE?

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I'm Polish.

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What is the worst part about eating a vegetable? Eating the wheelchair too.

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Whats the difference between a black guy at the beach, and a black guy at the zoo? One is at the beach, and one is at the zoo.

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This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena and his Grandfather's lucky medallion and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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What do a reindeer and a grape have in common? They are both purple, except for the reindeer.

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why did the chicken cross the road it didnt it got eaten

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Roses are red, Violets are purple.

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If an ugly person got raped. What would that be called? Nothing. It is never gonna happen. Kelvin Yang.

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How do you put 100 kids on a girls face ? skeet

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What do you get when someone tells you an anti joke? An anti joke.

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Q:why did jimmy fall of a swing? A:Because someone threw a fridge at him

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What did the cop say to the speeding black man? "Can I see your license and registration?"

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How many fish fingers does it take to change a lightbulb? Five.

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What do you calk a dirty mexican? a hard working gardener

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knock knock who's there? me josh! come in.

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what looks, smells, and sounds like red paint? blue paint, I lied about it being red

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how many flys in a box six --sticksack

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why did the blue berry cross the road

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How do you hack into someone's computer? A few good hits with a hatchet should do the trick

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What do you call a black salesman? A salesman, you racist.

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What do you call a bathtub full of dead babies? A tragedy.

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Your mother is so fat, she developed diabetes and was rushed to hospital. She might not make it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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