What do you call a hamburger with nothing inside of it? A virgin.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The IRS, please get out of the way.

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What do you call a woman with two black eyes? Irish sunglasses

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that awkward moment when there is no candy in the van.....

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Why did Lucy fall off the swing? She had no arms and legs Knock knock Who's there? Not Lucy

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Were do seamen live under the sea? A submarine!

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Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

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Ask me if I'm a tree Are you a tree? No

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Your momma's so fat, she died on the operating table during her bypass surgery.

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why did rosa parks get moved to the back of the bus? she didnt call shotgun

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Your dad must be a drug dealer because I saw him in your kitchen snorting cocaine

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How many babies does it take to cover a roof? Depends on how thinly you slice them.

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Two men are stranded in a structure on an alien planet, they are frightened when they are told that there is evidence of a life form near them, they explore their surroundings and find a snake-like creature that flares what looks like wings, bites one of the men on the hand and wraps its tail around his arm squeezing it until the arm breaks (we see the bone poke through his sleeve and he screams); the creature slithers up his sleeve, into his mask and lunges into his mouth killing him, and the other man is sprayed on the mask with acid and we see the plastic of the mask melt onto his face.

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A bar walked into a bar. Bars can't walk.

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Roses are black Violets are black Oh fuck I'm blind!

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Did you hear about the blonde that crashed her car? No. Is she okay?

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So, you got to take medications daily or die? Are you in pain my dear?

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Why did it take the rabbit so long to enter the rabbithole? Because he was hit by a truck and lost a lot of blood.

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What did you the blonde death amuptee child get for Christmas? Cancer.

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What's the difference between a sewer pipe and a French fry? A lot

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I am a mime

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Your mom is so ignorant that she in completely unaware how the premature termination of QE2 in conjunction with a potential US credit downgrade could substantially impact her fixed income portfolios and hinder her ability to retire in the desired time frame.

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What do you call 1 black guy and 9 other white guys? Patrick Mills

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Do not lose hope, you have always considered me hard to get, while this time, I came to you. Next time too, I kinda owe you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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