Barbara and Martin died in their apartment. The neighbor walked in and found glass and water everywhere. How did they die? -Barbara and Martin were fish.

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My Texting Convos: "Heyy!" "Hi!" "Watz up?" "nm hbu?" "Same here!" "Koolio!(: So wrud?" "Nothing. Just texting you!" "Yea! Same! I'm so bored! And tired!" "Ikr!" "Yupp!" *No one answers. When this is what you really want: "I love you soooo much!" "Awwwwh!<3 I loe you too!" "Do you wanna go out?(;" "YES!!(:" "ily<3" "iyl2<3" *convo goes on forever(: Moral: Purple tomatoes are books of yellow buttons on hands(;

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Yo mama's so ugly, one day she looked in the mirror and her face was a wreck. Later that day she committed suicide.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Unfortunate

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Once upon a time there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly, everyone died. The end.

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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Q: What's worse than finding out you have genital herpes? A: Finding out your grandmother gave them to you

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What would you do for a kwuandike bar? Anything clean and sanitary that wouldn't provide harm to me or others near me

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what did the lesbian say to the man? I don't like penis

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How do you make Samuel L. Jackson cry? Trick question...Samuel L. Jackson don't cry. ever...

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A guy says to a palm reader "You look like you've seen a ghost. Palm reader replies "You've got cum on your hand."

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Why did the girl throw away her hairspray? Because she realized the harmful contaminants emitted from the nozzle were expediting the deterioration of the ozone layer thus contributing to global warming.

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What did the purple dragon say to the unicorn? He doesn't say anything to the unicorn because dragons and unicorns don't exist. Even if they did exist, dragons and unicorns can't talk, unless we're talking about cartoons. Also, even if it was a cartoon or whatever, do you really think a purple dragon has ANYTHING to say to a unicorn?! Of course not! Oh look at me I'm a cool talking dragon, I have something so important to say to this unicorn. Gimme a break...

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God hates fags, no...god i'snt real

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What did the homeless man buy with a dollar? Nothing. He didn't have a dollar.

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What happened to the pig? It got turned into bacon like every other pig.

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A grasshopper walks into a bar, the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you", the grasshopper replies, "you have a drink named Bob"

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My ex wife looks like a pitbull.

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What does a Twihard, a Brony, a Belieber and a Gleek all have in common? They all ruin the Internet.

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What does greg and Ian have in common?

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: This is actually a really good question which leads me to wonder why the farmer let the chicken out in the first place.

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What is the sound of one hand clapping? I don't know you have a hand try it yourself lazy prick.

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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What did the Jew get for Christmas? Nothing. Jewish people celebrate Hanukkah

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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