That`s my friends phone, I can call you from mine too if you want, please just don't hurt me, let me speak to you, I promise I will explain everything.

what did the kid with no hair get for christmas? cancer.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To get to the other side.

"Knock knock?" "Who's there?" "Two dead kittens."

Do you know what the forest fire got for Christmas? Your house

Donald Trump decided to run for President.

Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

A drunk man into a bar. He is ripping apart a family

Q. what did voldemort get for christmas that harry potter didnt? A. dinner with his parents

What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? What you probably have is a lawyer on holiday with his children, allowing himself or herself to be buried in order to please said children.

What happens to a blonde girl who is buying drugs off of a drug dealer? Nothing, she was an undercover police officer trying to arrest said drug dealers on the street.

why did Dayrl win the wheelchair race? Because he had working legs.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead... Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first monkey... Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Because he thought it was a game...

You are so dumb that you receive poor grades in school.

What do you do if some idiot throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

knock knock who's there ... '*Opens the door slowly* SUPRISE BUTT SEX!

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

why didn't the Asian ask for a calculator cause he was doing the dishes and a calculator seemed inappropriate

Q. how does james bond like his babies A.shaken not stirred but if u think thats bad wait till u see a stirred baby

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson? Spelling.

Why did the pedophile cross the road? To molest a child.

Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken had been running in the road's direction for some time, and continued travelling in that direction despite the road being in the way.

i've got a little something for you. in fact it's so small you can't see it. it's called spermatazoa

Why was the prostitute's throat sore? Allergies.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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