If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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Why did the mexican cross the street? Because the next lawn to mow was in a different neighborhood

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2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

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Psychic wanted. You know where to apply.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding out your boyfriend's gay

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why did Kanye interrupt Taylor Swift at the VMA's? because he had a little too much scotch before the ceremony

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Roses are crimson. Violets are purple. I don't understand why this poem is so popular.

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Knock knock. Who's there? You. You who? That's the joke.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? An obsession with what motivates a chicken.

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How do you get a Mexican's attention? "Excuse me, may I have your attention?"

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Jemal picks 3 apples. He eats two of them, and then picks 3 more. What color was Jamal?

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue I want to get you pregnant.

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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Why did the chicken cro- Oh. He got run over.

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How many Cancer patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. Cancer does not affect one's ability to install light bulbs.

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What did Robin do in between crime fighting? He had a paper route.

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A pretty funny pick-up line that probably doesn't work: "Hey, do you work at Little Caesar's? Because you're hot and I'm ready.

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How do you get a clown off of a swing? You throw an axe at its face.

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why did the elephant fall out of the tree? it was hit by a fridge. why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was sellotaped to the elephant.

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What do you call a hairy pussy? A cat.

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Whats funnier than a dead baby? Pretty much anything.

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What does a chicken get for Christmas? A trip to the processing plant.

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What did the Irishman say to the German? "Sorry, do you have the time?"

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Apple hates Blackberry.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops