The President walks into a local pub. Everyone shits their fricken pants because the President is here.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Who in Tyrone's black family gave him presents on christmas? Not his dad.

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A blonde takes a test. She scores higher than her Asian friend.

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Q: 1 out of every 44 presidents can dunk, who is it? A: How the hell am i suppost to know

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What did I say to the joke? What? Correct.

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Why shouldn't you tell a joke during an earthquake. Cause it is not the time nor the place to tell a joke

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So this guy is waiting for a heart transplant. He dies.

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How did the black man fall of the cliff? He was gazing over and realized he had Prostate cancer and fell off the cliif.

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What did Marshawn Lynch say? Yeah

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Yo momma is so fat that....actually she's quite fit and i'd love to take her out on a date.

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Why did the car break down? Because breakfast was done.

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Q: What has no color, no shape, no size, and was born in your mind? A: The thought you just had about this anti-joke.

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Rebecca Black walked into a stadium. There were so many seats to choose from. But, she sat down in the nearest seat she could find and enjoyed the football game.

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Well, I feel that I've stepped outside my comfort zone.

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Your mom is so poor she can't afford to buy herself nice things.

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What's worse than dropping an ice-cream cone? A dead baby. What's worse than a dead baby? Two dead babies. What's worse than two dead babies? The holocaust. What's worse than the holocaust? Dropping two ice-cream cones.

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I was not scared, I was disappointed, I was expecting to see you for you, not the whole strange outfit getup, what was the point of that? I know the deal about hypnosis and stuff, did you know it is actually known as monoideoism? But I really cant figure for the life of me how it is physically possible to be under a deep state of trance and completely awake at the same time.

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Why did the computer explode into a million peices? It was thrown off the Empire State building.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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What do you get when you mix a polar bear and a dog? A dead dog.

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Q: Why was the cook put in jail. A: He has killed 2 people and robbed several stores

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kathryn atkins

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There were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight. In time, the brothers reached a river too deep to wade through and too dangerous to swim across. However, these brothers were learned in the magical arts, and so they simply waved their wands and made a bridge appear across the treacherous water. They were halfway across it when they found their path blocked by a hooded figure. This hooded figure then proceeded to step out of the shadows and mug them, all three of them were brutally murdered. This is why you stay away from hooded figures when you are being talked about in a story being told in third person.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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