How do you keep a woman entertained? A delightful romantic comedy

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How do you keep children off your front lawn? You molest them.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

i like potatoes But only mashed baked are a little bad they arent tasty. I like food good because food bad can really hurt me

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did Hitler cross the road? Because he had already looked both ways. Only after practicing proper safety procedure did he venture across the busy thoroughfare to retrieve his asthma medication from his car.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has Parkinson's Disease which causes his hands to shake uncontrollably thus making drawing anything relatively difficult and a perfect circle impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the alcoholic do when he finished his beer? Opened another one.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

You're an Irish male that walks into a bar full of Mexicans. Upon entering you are approached by two topless women. ....You realize you have been coming to the same sleazy strip club on the edge of town every night after work for the past few years. After seeing that you have gradually become completely bald and neglect your two children and wife, you recognize your extreme depression. Strippers now see you as a consistent, "paying customer" and you proceed seek psychiatric care, while being prescribed anti-depressants. The Mexicans at the bar are hard working, tax-paying citizens that would like to provide an education for their children.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he lost his grip on the branch and was unable to reach another before reaching the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's brown and wears glasses? A poo with bad eyesight.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Wanna hear a joke!? Miley Cyrus.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A man walks into a bar. Ow!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because after death the body loses control of muscles and the monkey could no longer grasp the branch with his tail

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What does a baseball and a T-Rex have in common? What? Neither of them is a carrot.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Two parrots are in a cage. The one looks at the other one and says, "answer the phone," and the other one says, "where are my car keys."

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot turned into a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you call a man who just died 5 minutes ago? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did dan jump off of the empire state building? -Because Carl pushed him off.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Brett Farve

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Where must you go if you have the desire to eat somebody's face? A psychiatric ward. You are clearly going insane and must seek help.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the Muslim do when he was in a big American crowd? He was socializing.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

My mother got hammered last night. We cried at her funeral.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

- Knock Knock - Whos there? - No one

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock knock Who's there? Me. Idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A catholic priest invited one of Sunday school students to his house one night. They watched a movie and the boy was home before his bedtime.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops