What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Living through the Holocaust and finding a time machine to take you back to the beginning of it again.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Baaaaaaahhhhhh

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Thumbs this up

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Two oranges walking down the street, one says to the other, "Where do you live?". The other replies "I'm not telling you, you'll steel my washing"

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why couldn't Jimmy ride his bike? His family had to sell it in order to put food on the table

thumb_up thumb_down -27

One orphan said to the other, 'what are your parents called'

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the man burp? Because gases escaped from his stomach and came out of his mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

if justin beiber was dating a girl what would you call him? a lesbian

thumb_up thumb_down -79

crips r blue bloodz r red choose crips nd thn ur dead (bloodz swoopp)

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Why do Jews have big noses? Because it is genetic.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

What's a four letter word that ends with "rape"? Stop.

thumb_up thumb_down -131

A baby seal walks in to a club

thumb_up thumb_down +72

A black man is playing guitar for a white man and a chinese man. After he is finished playing the white man and chinese man compliment him on his nice playing.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? he was epileptic

thumb_up thumb_down +56

What has 4 eyes, but can't see? 2 blind people.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

a black guy and a mexican are in a car, who's driving? a taxi driver.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What do you call a Mexican mixed with a platypus? a pineapple

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What did the little boy find when he came home from school? His mother hanging from a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

A black guy and a Mexican were in a car. Who was Driving? The police

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Whats worse than a dead baby? 6 million dead Jews.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken probably crossed the road because of some sort of impulse or external stimuli (most likely a bug or a worm located on the other side of the road) in which he or she responded to by proceeding to cross the road in order to get to the other side as chickens have a sense of cause to effect in which the effect would be consuming the bug or other living life form.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Me: Tell me I'm a fairy. You: You're a fairy. Me: Poof! You're a bag of shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why was grandma lying on the floor? She just died of lung cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops