"I see" said the blind man to his dead wife

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Whats red and is bad for your teeth? A brick.

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How do you make a bowl of cheese? First you get a bowl. Then insert the cheese.

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Why was the mouse flying? Because an Owl picked it up, carried it to a tree and ate it.

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What do you call a mix between a beaver and a mammal? You can't mix beavers and mammals, and even if I had said a platypus that would not have been funny.

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What side of the cheetah has the most spots? -The outside.

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You are the third derivative of the position function.

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husband; do you come here often wife: i live here

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There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe he woke with a fright, in the middle of the night and then went back to sleep

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a woman asked her husband, why havent you been talking to me? the man answers, you are having an affair so i ignored you and only talked to the girl im cheating on you with. you should know your a horrible person

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you know what sucks more than getting raped by a gorilla? getting raped by two gorillas.

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69

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A guy walks into a bar. He order three drinks and hands them to the lady behind him. It's because she is an alcoholic.

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There were a boy with cancer, and when a said "were" is because he is dead now

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A very depressed man walks into a bar, sits down, and gives the bartender his credit card and says, "Keep giving me beers until I pass out." The bartender asks, "What's wrong Buddy? You can talk to me!" The depressed man explains that he was fired, his wife has been cheating on him for the past 2 years, both his daughters ran away and became prostitutes, his mother died after choking on his father's Genitals and the father had just been diagnosed with both brain and testicular cancer and will die within the week, his sister was kidnapped and sold into a sex slave market and has been missing for the past year, his brother confessed to being gay and committed suicide with his lover (male) after learning that their state did not accept gay marriage. He pauses to drink his beer, then continues on to say that he has been convicted of sexually assaulting a child even though he was innocent, his dog had just been run over by a tractor trailer with no physical body left to bury, his cat had gotten stuck in the garbage disposal and he turned it on without knowledge that the cat was sleeping inside. The man looks at the bartender and started to laugh and cry at his misfortune, he then said,"... And to top it all off i just spent the past 2 hours explaining this to a deaf bartender!" The man then went home and hung himself on the telephone pole outside his house. At the funeral only the bartender,who attended, spoke on his behalf, reciting the man's terrible life, then ending by saying, "This man death has motivated me to search for a cure to this rare Delusional Disorder."

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Q: How many vaginas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Just one.

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A man walks into a bar, but it's really not his fault because his seeing eye dog led him right into it.

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Why was grandma lying on the floor? She just died of lung cancer.

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How many jews can you fit in a buick? 6...only if you squeeze 4 in the back.

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How do you keep a dog from chasing it's tail? cut off it's legs.

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Yo mamma is so hairy that she had to shave

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean? Dead.

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A woman walks into a bar. She is pregnant and gives her baby fetal alcohol syndrome.

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Why do giraffes have long necks? Evolution.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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