- Anti Joke

Knock knock! Who's there? A doorbell-salesman

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding two worms in your apple.

How do you keep children off your lawn? Touch them.

What's the difference between scrambled eggs and scrambled dead babies? I don't like scrambled eggs..

What kind of Mexican makes no money? A Mexican without a job.

Stephen Hawking is so paranoid, always looking over his shoulder.

Q: What did the homless man get for chritsmas? A: Frostbite

One Zebra and One Elephant was walking in the desert, the Zebra said its hot and the elephant said i know.

What's worse than ants in your pants? Uncles.

Why was the girl crying? She prolapsed.

DAVE : did you hear the one about the poster? MICHAEL: what?

I've got some good news an some bad news. The good new is that you just won 10 million dollars! The bad news is I'm just kidding.

What does Michael have in common with NASA? Not a lot.

What has three legs, one eye, and is green and fuzzy. I don't know. Me either.

Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

Sometimes Jamie wishes he could be a different person. He wishes he didnt have to eat dick everynight but it was all to late. He had to take it down the throat but he enjoyed the tickle it gave him

Roses are blue Violets are red Sugar are you And so is sweet

Why did the chicken get hit by a bus? He tried to cross the road.

3 guys were caught trespassing in a field and were sent to jail. The cop asked the first guy, "What were you doing in the field? He replied, "I was blowing bubbles" The cop asked the second guy, "What were you doing in the field?" He replied, "I was blowing bubbles" The cop then asked the third guy, "Lemme guess, you were blowing bubbles too? The guy replied, "No silly, I am Bubbles!"

Nero, you got followers, people that believe in you, ironically maybe a lot less now, that I have been giving them the fake illusion that I am you, why did you never reveal your true self? Is there something wrong with you physically? Something you fear being judged upon? I love and admire your work, and you to be honest, I know you are married and all, but my heart has chosen its path, it cant be helped really, believe me, I have tried. Dont lose hope in yourself, sometimes you have to accept that you are smarter, wiser, more compassionate and vulnerable than the rest, allowing yourself to be a vulnerable person, also shows how strong you are, if you shut it all away in order to become "strong", you know you end up alone and forgotten. I understand why someone such as you loses hope in humanity, but as long as you hold into the hope of you having the wisdom and courage required to stand on your own with pride rather than shame of your strength and individuality as a human being, something ever rarer I concur, then you have the right to consider yourself greater rather than some arrogant jackass, believe me, I know the man I am speaking about.

Why couldn't Cait walk her dog? She's been paralyzed from the waist down since she was 5 after her and her parents got into a car accident and her parents died.

Knock Knock, Who's There? Not Ann Frank because she died in the Holocaust along with 6 million other innocent people.

Even dyslexic people attend church and pray to Dog.

OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruising at about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, the cops were waiting. He was found guilty in court and forced to pay the blonde a settlement of $250, 000.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops