how do you make a quiet person talk? you water-board them

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Q) How do you kill a blue elephant? A) Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a pink elephant? A) Hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a white elephant? A) Tickle it until it turns pink, hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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A Rabi, a priest, and a monk all go to different churches because they all have different beliefs an respect each others decisions.

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what do you get when you have an albino black man, a lesbian middle eastern siamese twin of the female gender, a polygamist indian and a jewish native american? A very cultured and diversified posse of hostages. Take your pick.

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Im Tom and I'm an alcoholic...

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? The Holocaust No, the Holocaust never even happened, you're an idiot.

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why didn't sue come to her son's baseball game? because he doesn't play baseball, he lost his arms in a horrible plane crash. besides, sue died in that accident anyway.

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Why was the black guy running away with a sack full of money? He was rushing to local charity to donate the money. It was closing in 2 minutes.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite. He died the following day.

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pobody's nerfect

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Why did Steve Jobs die? Because he had cancer

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Are you from Africa because YOU GOT AIDS

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What did the mom tell her son who she caught masticating loudly? "Do it with your mouth closed!"

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I don't know about the rest of you, but I HATE funerals.

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What did little Timmy get for Christmas after he was diagnosed with leukemia? A gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond because he was interested in redecorating.

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What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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Did you know Helen Keller had a Playground in her back yard? Neither did she.

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What's worse than your console not switching on? A mutilated body.

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Why couldn't the little seven year old girl paint her finger nails? She fell in front of a train.

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Knock Knock "Who's there?" "This is Frank from Walside Windows just wondering if you wou..." (Door Slams Shut) "Damn those people are annoying"..

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good morning. good day. good night. good to see you santa

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A man walked into a bar. Too bad he didn't see it.The man was sent to the hospital 2 hours later when a friendly elderly lady found him badly wounded on the ground.

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What's small, pale blue and sits at the bottom of the pool? "An over ripe blueberry."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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