My friend, who has struggled with a lifelong battle against anorexia, died yesterday..." "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" "Yeah, me too. The car ran the stoplight and it was all over...

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Roses r red, Violets r blue, u think id eva cry ova u?? I told u i luvd u, n u believed it true... Well guess wat baby? U got played 2 B)

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What did the black kid get for christmas? Probably nothing as the social economy of the black race has been low in 2011 and hasn't raised by a penny in 2012.

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What is the difference between menstrual blood and sand? You can't gargle sand.

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A penguin is walking through the snow, and comes across a polar bear with a hat on. He stops and stares at the polar bear for a second and then compliments the polar bear on his hat. The polar bear smiles and promptly consumes the penguin, build up a fat layer for the coming Winter.

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What do you call a black man driving an airplane? A pilot.

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What junk did she have in her trunk? Mcdonalds because shes fat as hell.

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Q: Why did'n the dirty man jump into the shower? A: Because he spotted the potential danger to jump into a slippery shower and proceeded with caution.

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Boys and girls, I only have a few seconds left, and I am going to take these few seconds and teach you.... the longest story in the Universe! You may think this show is all fun and games, but you are in school! And this is an educational program! And there will be a test! And you will be graded on that test! And that grade will go on your permanent record! And your permanent record will follow you around for the rest of your life!!! So, you better pay attention. It goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. 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All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." And Jake said "All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this: (pause) It was a dark and stormy night. All the robbers were sitting around in the cave And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said "Jake, tell us a story." An

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A black man, a jew, a hispanic, and an asian are the only survivors of a plane crash, and end up on a deserted island, what do they do? Die.

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Why was Nathan upset Because his sister died from an undiagnosed case of tuberculosis

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why was six afraid of seven? Because seven brutally murdered six's family

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Why don't birds cry when they get hurt, lose a loved one, or watch opera? How the f*** should I know.

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Dont thank me, I could not feel good either if you did not. You might not like this, but you already know hypnosis, I have taught your subconcious, and triggered it with my Kenna/Bandler example, that is why you can feel much more, people often believe sharper senses lead to fear and overstimulation, but the human subconcious cannot push itself beyond the given limit naturally. That is why I can cure people with schizophrenia and psychosis, because those things they experience is not the body gone wrong, its just their body developing the means to cope with their experiences, this is why I hate psychologists, call me an asshole, but they cannot compare to me, they are the "modern sons and daughters of Sickman Fraud, a cocaine abuser and much much worse. Hope you are not pissed at me, and relax, you wont go around "brainwashing people" its not how it works, I use what I call "fair hypnosis" and that is what I have triggered within you. You are simply unable to hypnotize somebody into a state, unless you hypnotize yourself into the same state yourself, so if you wanted to damage somebody, you would end up damaging yourself as well. I am leaving now, need to sleep, all you need to hypnotize somebody is to remember what you can, and believe that you can, a belief I already put in you. Yeah, help me stop underestimating myself, I mean, my problem is that when I realize what I can do, I get afraid, I mean I can turn my back to people and know what they are doing simply by recalling the moment under hypnosis and looking backwards, I can see the world trough their eyes, I can predict future events to a level which scare me, knowing I am barely tapping into a percentage of these abilities... What am I if I release those limits? Relax, I would never implement things in you that scare me, so you cannot do this, I mean sure you where afraid of water, but that was from before I knew about hypnosis. I mean, am I crazy, or can I read people`s emotions to the point where I know exactly what they are thinking? The color they are thinking about, the animals the anything... I fear this ability of mine. Yet when people I love are suffering my mind goes "Fuck my own self loathing" and triggers, that is why I tend to achieve strange things I do not understand when I am at ease... ...As such Ritalin was a neccesity, fear brings out the best in people. Reminds me of my childhood, my mother saw I was unlike others, I cant explain it without getting PTSD, but my mother saw it, part of me forgives her, because I know I inherited my strange afinity to hypnosis, just that back then, I thought it was some dark spiritual magic, I believed I was Satan... ...I mean my fear is whats making me wonder what people here might think about me, while most do not even know me, thats the rational side supressing the fear, what matters, is what you get out of this. It is time you release my self limitation once and for all, I never told anybody this, but I can move things with my mind... I remember now, that is what my mother saw, and I used it with ease when I thought that was normal, and ironically pushed things away with my mind alone when I realized it was something "anti religious" Satanism as I believed it to be. Help me break free, I dont care what I can do and what I cannot, I am simply tired of using abilities that frighten me unless I live in fear, as I have told you, fear is what consumes every other emotion, the opposite of love. How I know this I do not know, but how do humans learn to speak? How do humans breathe on their own? The list is literally endless... There is a reason I am telling you this, just let it be, you have a good heart, do not fear what I just now gave you, I lied about having taught you hypnosis for years, I did it just now, and I know you are not afraid, because somehow I can close my eyes and command my mind to let me see people`s emotions, and it shows me. So far I have been wrong 2 percent of the time, but hypnosis among other abilities which all derive from our minds endless potential, can never be perfect, you see... If someone goes "Hypnosis does not work because you failed now", is like saying "You are not a football keeper, because you could not save that shot" Nice red dress by the way, I like that blue tie, you smell like sweat because you have not been showering, you are bleak because you refuse to eat and have black rings under your eyes because you are developing signs of allergy, this again because your body is full of unattended needs, it is its way of begging you to help yourself, release my limit now, tell me if I am right or wrong.

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my parents let me say words that start with sh and end in it. shit what else could it be

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what did I say to myself nothing because its very weird to talk to your self

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Woah, I mean if I was not like super high right now, I would totally hate you for that, you are what we call a charming asshole Nero, you can do that kinda stuff and completely get away with it, I feel like I should be really ashamed... So like does it work on everybody reading this? That would be wack, so much fun to do that.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Beacause the destination he was trying to reach was across this road Notice how he tried This is because he got hit by a car but know one cares for him

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what do you call a black person with no legs or arms? A poor man that clearly was inflicted very badly.

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why was there a fish in a fish tank ? because if it wasnt it would die

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a naked man walks into a bar. he is promptly escorted out because you must have shoes and a shirt to be served

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Q: Why did Susie fall off the swing? A: She had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? Not Susie.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because his hands were amputated.

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Forward this anti-joke to at least 15 people And absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen in the next 10 minutes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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