My house is on fire I'll probably die posting this joke

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A policeman walks into a pretzel shop. He sees two freshly baked pretzels. One was a salted.

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Why didn't the boy eat his vegetables? he was dead

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2 doctors are talking to each other: -Dead? -Dead.

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Whats green and has wings? grass, I lied about the wings.

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Mike lost his arms in a car accident. Knock knock Who's there? Not Mike.

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a horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?", the horse incapable of understanding the English language promptly shits on the floor and eats a bar stool.

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Why didn't little jimmy take out the trash? He is a rock

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She loves me, she dosn't love me, she loves me, the girl walks up to the man and says, she doesn't love me

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How did the hillbilly fix his PC? He brought it to Wal-Mart and got a diagnostics from an expert then installed anti virus software.

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A: Knock Knock (waits for an answer) oh there's no one in.

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Why did the man give money to a drug dealer? He lost a bet.

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Their was once a man named Bob Clemens who really wanted to have sex with an underage girl. So one day he went on an online chat site to find one. He ran into this young girl and told her all the things he wanted to do to her and she told him that she had never done anything and really wanted to try it. Bob went over to her house one day and she told him to sit down and grab some cookies while she came back. She came back and Bob gave her the roughest pounding that any human being could recieve.

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How does a black guy in debt make money fast at the bank? He applies for a loan and conscientiously works hard to pay off the loan in turn, which he was lucky enough to get at a low interest rate.

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Steve asks Dave if he likes fish sticks. Dave says yes. Steve asks Dave if he likes to put fish sticks in his mouth. Dave says yes again. They both agree to buy some, prepare them, and eat them, as fish stick are tasty, convenient, and mildly nutritious.

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What's better than winning a gold medal in the Paralympics ? Not being disabled

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What's long hard and full of seamen? A boat, or possibly a submarine.

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dylan wishes he could come up with funny jokes. but that is impossible for a man trying to bat with a .5inch ****

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What do you call a mailman who doesn't deliver mail? Unemployed

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Why did the guy die. He OD on drugs

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How did the blonde trip the brunette? She stuck out her foot

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why has kallum just changed clothes to speak to a counsellor because he's socially awkward and has no peers

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had legs.

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Whats white and sticky? Glue.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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