Your Mom was so fat he made herself Liposuction Twice

thumb_up thumb_down +2

To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How did the mouse die It was eaten by a cat How did the cat die It jumped into the bathtub and drowned

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the Mexican sneak across the US border? There aren't many good jobs for him in Mexico, and with the cost of living in his small village, he will be able to provide for his entire family of seven on just minimum wage in California. He will miss his family terribly while he is away from them, but he believes it is worth it in the end. Once he saves enough, he will pay the coyotes to smuggle the rest of his family over so they can be together again. Hopefully none of them will die on the journey.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q:Whats yellow and white and sits at the bottom of a pool? A: A baby with slashed floaties Q:Whats red and gory and sits at the top of a pool? A: Floaties with a slahed baby

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what did the oven say to the firdge you hot baby

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call two blacks on a bike? Two good friends having a good time.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

You know who can't stand to put up with my shit? Polio victims.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What does the average fishermen catch Fish

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why Was the student driver using his cell phone in the car? Because he had gotten in a mild accident with a midsized sedan so he was quickly dialing his AAA agent for roadside assistance so he can get back to his loving family and three children

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than finding out your friend is gay? Being gang-raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the kitty say when it's owner called him over? Nothing. It's owner killed him.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None, there is nothing wrong with the light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Ask me if I'm an orange. Are you an orange? Nope! I'm a person! - SMC Digital

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a black man driving a fire truck? A firefighter you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Steve is getting paid $29.50 to bounce a ball Steve is getting fired monday

thumb_up thumb_down

If Jewish men light a menorah during Hanukkah, what do Jewish women light? Jewish women light a menorah as well; Judaism is a relatively fair religion to both sexes.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's the difference between a police officer and a green dinosaur? They both aren't cabbages.

thumb_up thumb_down

A hairy monster walks into a bar. It was halloween.

thumb_up thumb_down

what lies in ore an develops a golden tan ken bigleys body

thumb_up thumb_down

So this squirrel is walking across the road when a HUGE truck comes and smashes him beneath the tire.

thumb_up thumb_down

Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a bus and didn't know! The funeral was touching and sad. Everyone cried. 2 weeks later..........Johnson ended his own life.......

thumb_up thumb_down

Comedian: Do you all wanna hear a joke? Audience: Yeah!!! Comedian: Okay! What did the bad comedian say to the audience? Audience: What?!! Comedian: Chicken butt. Thank you, you've been a great crowd. Good night!

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the chicken cross the road? I dont really care anymore BECAUSE I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CLICHE!

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops