A horse enters a bar. The bartender looks at the horse and says "Why the harness?"

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Jeez Bill, how drunk was I last night? You took my pet parakeet, threw it at my daughter's piggy bank and yelled "ANGRY BIRDS!!!!"

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Roses are blue Violets are red Sugar are you And so is sweet

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0000000010000000000000001000000000000000000000011111111000000000111111000000000000000000011111000000000000011100000000000000000000000000000000100000000000000000000000000000000000000001000000000000000000000000000000000000000011100000000000000000000000000000000000000111100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001111111111111111100000000000000000000000001000000000000001000000000000000000000000001000000000000100000000000000000000000000001111111111111000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 SMILE

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? one's a scum-sucking bottom feeder, the other is a lawyer

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how do you make a cat get out of a tree you shot it

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Knock Knock. Erm, sorry to be weird, but can you perhaps use the doorbell, because it's new and has a novelty chime. I'm proud of it and get a little chuckle everytime it rings in the vain hope that, perhaps you, the visitor, may also find it entertaining. Who's there anyway?'

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What's the most confusing day in Mexico? Father's Day.

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What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because its rayseans favorite number

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why did the chicken cross the road? it accidentally got out of it's pen. the farmer got very mad at the chicken for getting out, and very vicous-like, yelled at the chicken, causing it to get scared, and run to the other side. and that, is why the chicken crossed the road.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? An ambulance.

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What did the policeman say to the man robbing the bar? Stealing is wrong. Then the police read the man his Miranda laws.

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Roses are grey. Violets are grey. There is an entire spectrum of the world I am not privy to.

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Q. Whats Red and yellow and has braces? A.Pierre-Louis

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Why did the gay man not walk straight? Because I took a jack hammer to his foot

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A man climbs a tree, falls, and breaks his legs. He will never walk again

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Your mom is so fat she weighs significantly higher then most females of her age and height.

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I would tell you a joke about a blunt pencil but it's pointless

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why did the kid strike out in baseball he had leprosy and his arms were amputated

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-Is this the Krusty Krab? -Yes, how can I help you?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? it was thrown

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How do you get a camel out of a desert? a helicopter

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What's big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock eater.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops