Knock knock Who is there? Your mom Your mom who? STOP WITH THIS GAME AND JUST OPEN THE DOOR!

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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Whats big and blue and white and if it falls from a tree its sure to kill you. A fridge with a denim jacket on.

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Doctor, doctor! I think I've got an ear infection. I best give you some medicine.

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What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? Nothing, because he was eating him.

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Your momma is so old, she qualifies for multiple financial aid programs provided by the government.

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What kind of doctors would you call A 30 year old chimpanzee? I would say "Plastic surgeon" but that would be unscrupulous to the chimpanzees because the tearing off or "lifting" of the owners face is because they are just animals. And should have never been kept in captivity that long anyways.

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Why didn't Fred answer his phone? Because Fred is a tree.

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How can you tell if a duck is under your bed? Look under your bed

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If X = 3 and Y = 7, what is X + Y = ? It doesn't matter. You forgot to put your name on the test which means you got an automatic fail.

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Why did the fat man get thrown out of an all you can eat buffet? He molested a waitress

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A man walked into a bar making it immediately apparent that he had no future in competitive limbo.

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Q: What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? A: The pizza does not scream in the oven.

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I told my two lesbian friends I wanted to join them. I am a priest in a Gay Marriage friendly state and they are happily married.

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Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but his stomach was not big enough to finish. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free meal.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs going down a mountain? A: As good as dead.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

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What's the difference between a Jew and a bar of soap? You don't rub your balls with a Jew.

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Did you hear why the peanut got arrested by walking next to another peanut? One got a-salt-ed

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Why did the little girl miss 7 straight days of school? She died.

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What do you call a man with a spade stuck in his head? An ambulance, he may be in need of urgent medical assistance

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What did the black man say to the other black man? We both share the same ethnicity

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What is sad and disappointing? Nevada's and California's snow pack.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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