How many people does it take to make a fun party? Idk, that's why I asked you, you see I'm throwing a party and wantedto know how many people I should invite.

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Roses are gray, violets are blue; I'm red-green colorblind so I occasionally have difficulty seeing most shades of red or green.

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what's black and hangs from a tree in my garden? a blackberry

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Daisies are red. WHY IS MY GARDEN ON FIRE?

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Why did the washing machine laugh? Because it took the piss out of the knickers!!!!! :)

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What do you say to a cat with a helmet on? Silly cat, you rhyme with hat but you shouldn't wear one.

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what is the difference between gravel and dead baby guts? i dont eat gravel.

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Whats worse than biting into your apple and finding a worm? Getting raped by a giant monkey

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Miss Jones has 10 apples on her desk. Billy takes half of them away and runs. What does Miss Jones have? 5 apples and a complaint filed for smacking Billy with a ruler.

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I have a friend named Dave, he lost his ID and now we call mim Dav

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What's the difference between a pile of dead baby's and a Cadillac? I don't have a Cadillac in my garage...

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what do u call a newspaper boy on brake? your uncle because hes broke and struggling with income.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a plum? Their color. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the plums over the hill. She was color blind.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am Jack Bauer, Where is the nuke?

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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In America you read books, but in Soviet Russia, it's exactly the same as it is in America, because it's not possible for books to read humans.

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Why did Susie fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Not Susie.

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What's the best way to toss a salad? With a salad spinner from the home shopping network.

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why did the elephant cross the road? It was the chickens day off

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What rhymes with turtle? RAPE

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Q:Why didn't the Mexican get out of the box? A:Because he liked it in the box.

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Q: What do Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Crunch, Captain Morgan and Captain Kangaroo all have in common? A: They are all caucasian

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What do you get when you cross a stream with a prostitute? A wet hooker.

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why did the man cross the rode? He didn't he got hit by a bus

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops