An Unicorn walks into a club, the bartender promised to quit drugs and thanks to that his family didn't fall apart and he lived happily till he was 89 when he passed away surrounded by loved ones.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

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A man walked into a bar. He said "ow".

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What is black blue and screaming? Your daughter when i kicked the shit out of her

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Why do black people smell? So blind people can hate them too.

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A lady in a bank was asked by the clerk to round the sum she wanted to raise from her account. She rounded it several times, but the clerk continued to insist that the sum needs to be rounded. She left the bank confused, with a coupon consisting of completely rounded sum of 691, 88$. Next day she returned with a coupon with a rounded sum of 690,88$. The clerk asked again the lady to round the sum. The lady started helplessly to cry and said she had rounded is already with a harp, and couldn't make it round anymore, she even removed the sharp 1 from the sum.

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Q: What did the man with no arms and no legs receive for Christmas? A: Cancer

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What happens in the end of the original "Pinocchio" Italian fairy tale? He is hanged.

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whats brown and falls out poop :) - haha

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Why couldn't dracula's wife get to sleep? She had insomnia.

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Johnny just finished his pie.

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Why did the child drop it's lollipop? Because they got hit by a bus.

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What do you call an aircraft piloted by a Muslim extremist? The aircraft's brand name followed by its model number, in all likelihood.

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Why did Sally Fall Off The Swing? She had no arms Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sally

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knock knock. who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant

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"I had the worst day ever!" "Was it worse than 9/11?"

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This guy walks up to the bartender, and says to him, " ill bet you $100 that i can piss in this cup from 20 ft away." The bartender laughs, thinking hes gonna get an easy 100 bucks. he says "ok, u do that and ill watch." the guy says "ok but one second." he then walks over to this table full of guys and the bartender see him and them whispering and shaking heads. then the guys walks back over, and says to the bartender, "ok here i go" then he whips out his wang and starts pissing all over the place,all over the bartender, the counter, everywhere but the cup. Meanwhile the bartenders laughing, because he thinks he made some easy money. then the bartender asks the guy for his money and the guy says, "alright one minute." then the guys walks over to the table full of guys and they al start pulling out money and give it to him. so the guy walks over to the bartender and says, "here you are, your 100 bucks" the bartender notices him smileing and says "u just lost 100 bucks why are you happy?" and the guy says, " you see that table full of guys over there? well, i bet them all $500 dollars that i could piss all over you, your counter and all of your things, and that youd not only be happy about it, but youd laugh!!!"

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue It is Valentines Day So I had to get them for you or we would get into a big fight, which will end up with me on the couch.

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Why was the Asian man told to open his eyes? He was sleeping.

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How do you stop a bus? Put the brakes on.

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Q: why did timmy fall over? A: he was hit by a plane

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knock, knock no one answers man goes home and shots himself because he feels alone

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I'm on the seafood diet, a large proportion of my daily food intake consists of fish.

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A jew walks into a bar. The bartender says "get out you jew!" The bar tender apparently was a Nazi.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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