A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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A man walks into the bathroom. He dumps cat shit all over the floor

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Im Tom and I'm an alcoholic...

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Roses are red Violets are blue My head itches I'm going to get this guy to itch it for me

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Why couldn't the blonde count to 70? because 69 was a mouth full:)

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Why did James drop his ice-cream? He was mourning the loss of his mother to terminal illness so he threw himself in front of a train.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 had bullied 6 and his old pal 21 back in his younger days.

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What do you say to a corpse? How's life?

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One day little billy was wandering happily through the forest.He then trips and his legs disintegrate

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What's easier than taking candy from a baby? Almost nothing.

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms Knock knock Who's there? Not. Sally..

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what do you call a rich, gay guy from Florida? Iron man

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm using my hand but thinking of you.

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What's worse than Hitler killing six million Jews? All of the Jews. --ZeNaziGermanDoctior

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How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Who cares? Why would a squirrel need to change a lightbulb?

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Your mother is so fat that she's more prone to cardiovascular disease than other people who stick to the proper BMI or body mass index

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What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheel chair.

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What would a gay, transgender, mexican man say to another? We could have butt sex.

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Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: She missed.

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two mormons missionaries knock on a door they are welcomed into the home and treated with kindness later the family is baptized. the mormons return home with a sense of accomplishment and purpose.

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A Stoner sees a bag of chips.

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I dig, you dig, we dig, they dig, he digs, she digs, everybody digs. Guys, it's not a very profound poem, but it's deep.

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Fact: Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people one will always disagree with the other nine.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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