I milked the cow, but no gas came out.

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Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

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What do you call a Mexican in the sand? A churro! (not trying to be racist, I'm even Mexican)

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Theres an irishman , scottish man and a welsh man on a plane they where going to france

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Where does Charlie Sheen buy his clothes? Winners

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How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

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Why doesn't the farmer have a dog? He doesn't like dogs.

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How did Bush really get into the White House? The front door.

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why did the plane crash ? Because a loaf of brad was flying it, and Loaves of bread don't fly planes

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What's the difference between an X-box and Michael Jackson? One is an inanimate object and the other is a human being.

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Why do black people like fried chicken? Because it tastes good.

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What did Osama bin Laden say to Jesus? Nothing. He's in hell.

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roses are red violets are blue my dick is long longer then you

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What did the fat man order at McDonalds? Nothing, he was on a diet

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If you see a person falling down your balcony, Say cya later!

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What did the teenage boy do when his mum was out shopping? Finish his homework.

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I want some pudding. but I didn't have my meat. how can I have pudding?

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Why are white people white? I don't know

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Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill called the paramedics

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Why should you be scared when a black man asks you, "What are looking at?" Because if he is over the age of 18, he should know better than to end a sentence with a preposition, unless of course, he never had an education, in which case... you should probably run for your life.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

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What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot n' spicy and the other analyzes urine. -Emo Phillips

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An man was tested positive for HIV. He then called his girlfriend and told her she should get tested.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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