Why did the man float in the lake? Because he was dead.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread. Why did the car crash? Because the driver was a loaf of bread. Why did the boat sink? Because the pirates attacked.

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Why doesn't Santa have any children? Because Santa doesn't exist.

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Q: What do you call a unicorn on a mountain? A: Freaking sick.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Dave Dave who? Dave's crying because his grandmother has alltimers and now can't remember his name

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What did the little boy say when he was sick? Nothing. He stayed in bed and slept all day.

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Q: Whats worse then being murdered? A: Nothing

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Why did the burglar rob the bank? because he needed money due to the economic decline.

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What time is it? 12:19. weren't we supposed to leave like 5 minutes ago? 4. For the mall...

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Why was the boy sad? Because his dog was brutally murdered and the man responsible painted his bedroom walls in the dogs blood.

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What starts with C and ends with UNT. Ciretrunt

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What do you call Morgan Freeman on a bad day? Samuel L. Jackson.

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A black guy and a Mexican were in a car. Who was Driving? The police

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What's red and puts out fires? A fire truck? Oh, you've heard this joke before.

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what is patrick wilson? smart

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Why do giraffes have long necks? Evolution.

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One, it's just a lightbulb

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There are four worms moving in a straight line, one in front of the other. The first worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me!" The second worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" How can this be? ...the fourth worm lied.

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What's the difference between roast soup and pea beef? Nothing because neither of them are physically possible; you can't roast soup and you can't pee beef

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How do you know that a woman is having an orgasm? They go like OH YAH OH YAH:D

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What's the difference between uranium and plutonium? Blast radius

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You're an Irish male that walks into a bar full of Mexicans. Upon entering you are approached by two topless women. ....You realize you have been coming to the same sleazy strip club on the edge of town every night after work for the past few years. After seeing that you have gradually become completely bald and neglect your two children and wife, you recognize your extreme depression. Strippers now see you as a consistent, "paying customer" and you proceed seek psychiatric care, while being prescribed anti-depressants. The Mexicans at the bar are hard working, tax-paying citizens that would like to provide an education for their children.

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Why did the chicken cross the road To go to KFC

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Q: How many babies does it take th paint a barn? A: I dunno, how hard are you throwing them?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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