What did the banana say to the apple? We're fruity.

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If Chuck Norris was really so awesome he would come and slam my head into the keyboard.

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Why was the phone wearing glasses? It lost its contacts!

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The bears will win the Super Bowl

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How many are in a baker's dozen? 12 bakers

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roses are red , violets are blue, lick my dick , or lick my dick

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A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

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Roses are red,violets are blue I've got aids & now so do you Merry Christmas

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jimmy walked into a bar, then walked out crying and all desperate seeing his wife cheating on him with another guy sitting in the bar. he jumped in front of a bus and was taken to the hospital. He died due serious injuries. Turns out that it wasn't his wife but her twin sister that neither jimmy nor his wife was aware of her existence.

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How do you get someone to paid attention to etys You don't, there is no such thing as retys

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1 111111 1 1 11111111111 1 1 111111 1

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Why did god create planet earth? He isn't real.

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Why was the young child dead in the middle of the road? His mother wasn't there to prevent him from chasing the ball across the road, and therefore, he ran in front of a truck

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When life gives you lemons, Commit felonies

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What was the fly doing in the soup? Nothing, the guy ordered pizza.

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This site is called anti-joke.com Because it is a donkey.

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Your at a racism seminar. You learn not to call black people the n word but you know they really deserve it

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why did the man move away from me because he thought that i had crabs as pets

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patient: Doctor, doctor, i think i'm a lemon. Doctor: racial segregation and presidency is my middle name.

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Why did I call 87 yr old Jamie McMeanBully a douche bag? Because he's sterile

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I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I was raped by a giant scorpion...

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Why didn't Sally go to the party? Because everybody hates her and she wasn't invited.

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What did the atheist say to the jew. Well first they had a long discussion about religion and the jew was actually made an atheist. Truly the work of God.

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Why was the little girl sad? She had a grown man sexually assault her.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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